ohhh what is this yoga doing to me?

i feel like i'm in therapy again. hah. i guess that's not such a bad thing...

so steve is working with me to figure out a way for me to go to training bla bla bla. i wont get into the details because it's unimportant right now. i had sent him an email the other day and included my resume in it and started the email: "Ok, so the dork in me decided I would send you a copy of my resume"....

he responded: "Dork?"

it made me think about why i called myself a dork. and in turn i have realized that i did it in case he thought i was silly/weird for sending him my resume. that way, if he had any weird thoughts, then i have already called myself out and made fun of myself for being organized and trying to help this situation.

there was nothing wrong with me sending him my resume. i had perfectly good reason to. it in fact made sense for him to see it. so why did i have to make fun of myself?

it all goes back to judging myself. me being afraid of what someone else with think even though i KNOW they wont think negatively. it's really me being negative towards myself. maybe i am protecting myself?

then my thoughts scatter to how i have been judged my entire life. how i have been told how "different" and "unique" i am. that i don't act like other people my age. that i'm pretty in a different way. that i'm not like other girls. that people are surprised that someone that looks like me listens to the music i listen to. i get it! i'm fucking different! but being pushed to believe i'm an outcast has done exactly that: made me an outcast. i feel like i cannot connect with people (for the most part). granted, i am working on it....

my point is, that this is all making sense now. the pieces are coming together. i have no idea what the big picture will look like yet but i can't rush things. i am ok with where i am right now.

so instead of excusing myself for being me i just need to learn how to feel comfortable with who i am. i cannot judge myself anymore. if i have control over one person in this lifetime it's me. what i do and what i think is under my control. and i don't want to judge myself anymore.

dinner party

so last friday we got invited for dinner by our friends fidel and heather. we don't see them often enough, that's for sure. fidel is one of the most kind people i have ever met. he's active in the detroit scene, volunteers a lot, and always helps his friends out. i don't know heather as much as fidel, but after friday i realize she's so funny and sweet! tony and i have very similar lifestyles as them, and it made for a fun evening! they were nice enough to make a gluten-free/sugar-free meal for me (they are both vegetarian). they also invited over their friends zach and julia. zach is a local musician. julia is, well, exactly like me! we were shocked at all of our similarities! she used to do hair, for aveda as well, until she got these horrible shoulder problems (now she wears a brace). she's vegan. she's really into yoga (although she can't do it anymore) and nutrition. honestly it was crazy! i would say something and she'd be like "me too!!". it was the first time where i had found that connection with a girl. so awesome! although we didn't exchange contact info or anything, so i don't know if i'll ever see her again! but it was so great to be around like-minded people for the evening!

anyway, dinner was delicious. heather and fidel made black bean soup. had a great salad, chips, hummus, and veggies. and fruit salad for dessert. i brought some GF/SF cookies and julia and zach brought chocolate covered strawberries.

we all had so much fun and great conversation! it has inspired tony and myself to start hosting dinners like this with our friends! although, it'd be easier if we had more veggie friends!

we were at ikea the other day and found this amazing table. it just looks like an end table with drawers and then each side folds out to make a big table! so we are thinking of getting that since we don't have a proper kitchen table right now. that way we can just fold it up when it's not being used, since we dont have a whole lot of room!!

so much good stuff!

been way too busy to write. have a lot to update on! don't have time to right now, but i wanted to say:

I'M GOING TO TRAINING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

steve pulled me aside after class last week and said we were gonna make it happen no matter what. we're working out the details but he said i'm on the list and i'm going.

so stoked!

ps. steve is the best!

new bathroom!

i was cleaning up my desktop and realized i forgot to post photos of the new bathroom! the colors were hard to photograph. then again, i did them at night so maybe natural lighting would have helped. i love how it turned out!

also

i watched the secret last nite. i have read the book already...last year sometime. anyway, this is the note from the universe i got TODAY: crazy, huh?!?!?

Expecting "end results" - such as wealth and abundance, health and harmony, friends and laughter - in broad brush strokes, is part of the secret formula, lisa, for manifesting the life of your dreams.

Expecting your path to follow a certain route - such as writing a bestseller to accumulate wealth, having a particular someone fall in love with you, or insisting upon this idea, that diet, or the other invention to be your deliverance - is just plain messing with the cursed hows and severely limits my options... (I hate when that happens.)

Cool?
The Universe

Release any expectations you may have of how you think your dreams will come true, lisa, but by all means, with every fiber of your being, expect that they will, as you busy yourself enjoying who and where you already are.

crazy, huh?!?!?

c'mon, universe! i'm ready!

kind words from my new yoga friend:

"true happiness - it comes from within - not from another person, or a yoga class or from Ben and Jerry's"

this is so very true.

let me lay it out on the line:

i am a good person. i am kind and caring. i only put out to others what is my greatest gift and highest power. i have great friends that love and support me for who i am. i am never judged; i am only accepted. i continue to revel in the fact that i am me and i am BEing me. i only do things which are backed by passion and love and purpose. i surround myself with love and happiness.

hm

everything feels a little too much right now..

some days you're just supposed to stay in bed

home made lentil soup spilled all over the counter. floor. cupboards. walls, pjs.
:(
that was my lunch today.
:(

love

via

on a high

went to my second yoga class today. it is such an amazing feeling to be greeted the way steve greets me. i feel like i have known him for so much longer than a few days. he's such a caring and kind person. he always has a warm smile on his face. i look at him and think that he must feel great all the time! anyway, today it was something like, i've been thinking about you! so glad you came back! and everyone hugs there. i like that. so many people are afraid of hugs.

so after class we talked a bit more about training. steve said he'd been talking to eric about me. not exactly sure what but it doesn't matter. either way he's going to try to work with me on something so i'll be able to go.

i feel like my entire life has happened in order for me to live this moment. these moments. as i live them. looking back on things my life has always had a certain flow to it. and now that i have come up with my own beliefs i know why things have been they way they've been. my life is continuing to flow. to grow and change form but still fluidly. i'm so grateful to have had such opportunities.

since my first class i've realized that it's ok to just be me. yes, i knew this before, but it's like i had an epiphany. i've been working on just feeling and reacting how i want to. it's made a world of difference at work. normally people are so crummy. i can see people feeding off of my energy. and instead of stealing it i feel like we're exchanging. there are more smiles and hellos than there normally are. it's amazing what happens when you open yourself up!

this note from the universe is exactly how i've been feeling this year

Now, I have to admit that among inventions, the "Undo" button is right up there with the very greatest of all time, but it'll never compare to the "Do" button, from which worlds are born.

lisa, this is your chance!

2010, Baby -
The Universe

Plus, lisa, even while some things can't be undone, you can ALWAYS start anew.

there is no need to be anyone but yourself

i went to my first yoga class today. met with steve beforehand.

steve is one of the most genuine people i've ever met. we talked for about an hour, i cried like i always do, and he gave me info about this life training in april.

i want to go soo bad.

there is no way i can afford to go.

this makes me incredibly sad.

i haven't even saved up enough money to go to europe in april. and the training is over $1000 and the weekend before i leave for europe. i guess it's just bad timing...although i will continue to pray for the universe to help me out on this one. after talking with several people today that have done the training, i am convinced it would be perfect for me.

either way, i already love class. it's tough and hot and i feel sore already! i felt alone yet connected to everyone in the class as well. and everyone that i talked to was there for the same reason. it felt so good to feel like "me too!!" i'm really glad i got over my fear and just went!

2009 in photos

2009 brought so many fantastic things. I am blessed to have the experiences I had, and to have been put on the journey I was on this past year.

At the beginning of the year, there was lots of time with new friends, and old friends.

In march we got a chance to go to the dinosaur exhibit!

Tony took me on a well-needed date to the ann arbor conservatory.

We got a new addition to the tank, rip frogwaard!

Fell in love with this little sweetheart all over again.

Found time to reflect and enjoy nature.

Got my favorite hair EVER.

April came and I got my motorcycle license!

Played with tare panda as much as possible. Rest in peace little one!

Bought my little scoot scoot!

In may I took a physical journey. Not knowing what I’d find but hoping it’d be good! Flew down to florida for a week of relaxation, meditation, and grounding. This was one of the best things I could have ever done for myself.

While I was there I reunited with an old friend,

met my spirit guide,

and ate some of the best sushi I’ve ever had!

Shortly after I got back I found out I had developed candida. From there on out my life would be changed forever! I had to drastically change my diets and my habits. Thankfully, red pepper deli was there to save me!

Took a trip to the zoo where I admitted I had a thing for cute animal butts!

Ended up in ohio with my family at cedar point for a weekend of fun!

And found myself in the metro times!

June came and I took some more alone time in nature.

Said goodbye to our favorite place, 5^th ave.

Started rekindling our romance at the fireworks.

And Played with baby frogs on our anniversary.

In july we finally got around to fixing up our kitchen.

Had some fun with kickball!

And Filled our month with picnics!

August was exciting! Got to see one of my favorite musicians perform for the second time! And got some inspiration as well.

Took a family trip to the zoo!

And played in the sprinkler on the hottest day of the year!

Celebrated my nephew’s 5^th birthday in an inflatable castle!

Regina spektor came in September

Celebrated my bff’s bday as well

Family bonding after drinks!

And a well needed trip to the beach!

And I discovered my love for yoga!!

Hanging in the nature

With my love

Landing that pose for the first time! (something I never thought I could do!)

Warming up at chilifest

My weekend of birthday celebrations!

And of course, Halloween!

In November we celebrated tony’s birthday

I got my tattoo finished

And I tried to make a pie (and failed!)

Made an incredible Thanksgiving dinner

and wished Hans a safe move, even though we were sad to see him go!

In December we put the tree up

Did some shopping

And tony built a shed!

Went home for Christmas

Got to play with our niece too!

Times got a bit rough for a while. Though out the entire year it was definitely a struggle. I lost my grandpa and miss him dearly. I quit taking my medication after horrible withdrawls, but haven't had issues since. My relationship almost ended but we came back stronger than ever.

All in all, it was a very good year!