...guess I'll go eat worms

So here I am again. Back in a depressed state. I spent the whole weekend in pjs laying around watching tv. Completely bored yet so very content.

I woke up this morning with a little more energy than I've had in weeks and I thought that was good. I got some things done around the house that I've been putting off for too long. Tried to organize a bit. Was feeling pretty good as I went into work this afternoon. It's a slow day so I did some salon organizing/cleaning. Then I spotted a list that an assistant had made. It was a list of classes she wanted from stylists at the salon. There was so many people on that list. I apparently didn't make the cut....

This offends me on more levels than I'd like to admit.

It shouldn't. Because:
1. She doesn't like me
2. I don't like her
3. I'm one of the reasons she quit (I was her boss for a while)
4. I think I'm one of the reasons she wanted to come back (I quit managing the assistants)

I could go in and on, but those reasons are besides the point. The point is...I don't feel like anyone likes me.

I know I don't always leave the best first impression, but I guess I don't know how good my second or third one is either.

I've always been a bit of a loner. But now I'm realizing that I am usually the one withdrawing.

But I'm also the one that asks people to hang out. I'm never asked to hang out. I see my friends posting on fb or ig...how they are hanging out with people...and I wonder why I didn't get invited too. Esp when it's a group of people that I know...I wonder why they don't want to hang out with me.

I feel like I'm a good person. And I'm fun. So what is it about me that no one wants anything to do with me? I feel left out. I wish I could see myself the way others see me. Because maybe I've been lying to myself all along.


Today is one of those days that its not healthy for me to be left alone.

I wish t wasn't out of town


today is one of those days i could not get out of bed when i needed to.
i was going to get up, work out, and prepare myself for my day.

i couldn't even get up.

after laying in bed for two and a half hours, i pried myself from my sheets.

i dont know why i was feeling great the other day, and like shit today.

i'm so.fucking.tired. and i'm sick of everyone telling me i look tired. i get 8-11 hours of sleep every night. there is no reason to look half dead. unless it's just because i'm getting older and that is just how i'm going to look from now on.