a little story and some insight

about a month ago i went in for my routine skin exam where they check your body for funny spots and moles. a few spots were removed...mainly on my request for being new, irritating while shaving, etc..and one that the dr thought looked funny. a couple spots came back dysplastic. which lead to me getting a couple more spots removed. which lead to more dysplastic moles. this was the second year i had been to this particular doctor, and i didn't really like her or going there. my last visit confirmed that i did indeed need to find a new doctor. i wanted a second opinion.

around the same time i got the urge to cut all my hair off. i have been attached to this hair for so long because i've been growing it but honestly it has not caused me any happiness. i made an appt for a week later, because i did not want to just do it and regret it. plus i was pmsing and you know you are not supposed to make big decisions when you are pmsing! 

after a referral from a client, i headed over to my new doctor's office last week. she was very thorough and removed two more spots.

over the weekend, i got a new client. she told me that she usually goes to a girl at another aveda salon. her name is reanna. wow...i just made an appt with reanna to cut all my hair off....(reanna used to do my hair when it was short...before i started doing hair). during the consult with my new client she mentions she has cancer and as a result of the chemo, she has bald spots. not wanting to push the conversation further i moved along.

by the end of the haircut the cancer is brought up again. she tells me she's had melanoma. twice.

i tell her i just had a melanoma scare. but that it was nothing...just dysplastic.

she tells me a little of her story. she leaves and schedules an appt for today to get her color done.

monday at work, while waiting for a client to come in, my doc called me.

it's not being classified as melanoma YET. i have an atypical junctional melanocytic hyperplasia. according to the lab work, they think it indicated early melanoma. the cells show spreading...

i have an appointment with the u of m melanoma clinic in two weeks.

after two days of break downs and crying fits, i'm not feeling scared. not right now anyway. i more just hate being in limbo. not know for sure what's happening.

i got all my hair cut off yesterday. because i wanted to...not because i may have to get chemo and it may fall out anyway. but is that why i had such an urge to cut it off? because i needed to lose that attachment??

i have also been seeing the number "23" so often it has to mean something. in the past few weeks it was usually 10:23 (the time) but this week it has been other times of x:23, my paycheck this week was $923....my birthday is 10/23...

anyway. i'm trying to prepare myself for the worst. yes, melanoma is the worst type of skin cancer you can get. yes, it can spread to your internal organs. yes, it can cause death. however, i believe we have caught this soon enough to fight it. i am prepared for cancer. i am prepared for chemo. and i am also prepared for living.