when dreams come true

last nite i had a dream that a very old friend contacted me.

i got up and checked my email and i got a myspace message from him.

it's not like it's a big deal...but i just dont really know how to respond. we quit talking years ago...and as i recall it was kind of a blow out. but we have known each other for about ten years in total. i dont know. i just dont know what to think.

not only that, but i also got an email from edzel as well. soo yeah. it's been a weird morning so far.

i didn't go out last thursday because i needed a break, but i can not wait until this thursday. i need it!


no joke!


i will not waste a moment of it!!!


i've been busy

considering we're going through a recession, work has still been busy. when i'm not at work i'm crocheting two separate projects, and doing a ton of reading. i've gone through at least 3 books in two weeks and it's nice to feel that accomplishment again. things in general are making me feel good.

i decided to cut out of my cleanse early. i started the beginning of january and stopped it a couple days ago. it was a three-part cleanse and i did the first two parts, the second being a liver cleanse. considering i have gilbert's syndrome i thought it would be a good thing, but i think it just screwed with my body more! dont get me wrong, the cleanse did amazing things while i was on it. but it also was the culprit of my breaking out. when i figured that out and stopped doing it, my skin literrally started clearing up the next day.

i also just got the first session of my new tattoo done. it looks amazing already. the outline and most of the shading is done....it'd be awesome to get the whole thing done in two sessions instead of three!

all in all, things are good, and i have the next two days off work. well, tony started run lola run early so i guess that's it for now!


i'm fed up.

my skin has gone completely haywire. it's seriously worse than when i was in middle school/high school. i hurt and i hate to look in the mirror. tony told me tonite that my skin is literally changing daily. i feel like i have almost run out of options. i was seriously considering getting on accutane but i'm a bit freaked out. i found a vitamin online that is supposed to be the "natural" accutane. tony wants me to try that so i just ordered it. cost me nearly $200 but it does have a 90 day guarantee so if it doesn't work i can send it back. i'm nervous, but i really hope this works. i am to the point where i don't even want to leave my house. ugh...i hate vanity!!

keep your fingers crossed!!


i think i figured it out

i hate my life. simple as that.

i keep trying to make positive changes because i hate myself.

i'm not happy with the person i am and i'm not happy with the person i'm trying to be.

that means i'm just not happy.

sometimes i wish i was 18 again and could just run away for a while.

i am emotionally exhausted.


"We've got to live in the world together"

.........Homer said. "And we got to care about each other."

this from the man who had to identify his brother's frozen corpse.

this story saddens me. it makes me sick to my stomach to think that people could walk next to a dead body and not do anything about it. just read the story and the followup.

what is wrong with people?

when are we going to realize that the world cannot run on hate and ignorance?

i dream too much

last nite it was about me winning a date with jason mraz. by the end of the date he was in love with me and he kissed me. *swoon*

i must have woken up (as i usually do) and fell back asleep to start another dream. my dad had a "pet" white tiger and the tiger mauled me. but i lived through it.

there were several others but nothing too exciting to report.

i'm sick of all the dreams....