...guess I'll go eat worms

So here I am again. Back in a depressed state. I spent the whole weekend in pjs laying around watching tv. Completely bored yet so very content.

I woke up this morning with a little more energy than I've had in weeks and I thought that was good. I got some things done around the house that I've been putting off for too long. Tried to organize a bit. Was feeling pretty good as I went into work this afternoon. It's a slow day so I did some salon organizing/cleaning. Then I spotted a list that an assistant had made. It was a list of classes she wanted from stylists at the salon. There was so many people on that list. I apparently didn't make the cut....

This offends me on more levels than I'd like to admit.

It shouldn't. Because:
1. She doesn't like me
2. I don't like her
3. I'm one of the reasons she quit (I was her boss for a while)
4. I think I'm one of the reasons she wanted to come back (I quit managing the assistants)

I could go in and on, but those reasons are besides the point. The point is...I don't feel like anyone likes me.

I know I don't always leave the best first impression, but I guess I don't know how good my second or third one is either.

I've always been a bit of a loner. But now I'm realizing that I am usually the one withdrawing.

But I'm also the one that asks people to hang out. I'm never asked to hang out. I see my friends posting on fb or ig...how they are hanging out with people...and I wonder why I didn't get invited too. Esp when it's a group of people that I know...I wonder why they don't want to hang out with me.

I feel like I'm a good person. And I'm fun. So what is it about me that no one wants anything to do with me? I feel left out. I wish I could see myself the way others see me. Because maybe I've been lying to myself all along.