this is the first time i have written out this date. which is sort of weird. 12.12.12....
anyway, on december 12th, i felt normal. like myself. for the first time in close to a year. it was the first day i didn't want to die. it was the first day that i laughed authentically (more than once). it was the first day that i just felt like me again.
and weird, it's been two weeks exactly since that date.
and as an update, i have still not thought about wanting to die. i am still laughing and enjoying myself as much as possible. and i am still feeling like myself.
things are still not perfect and i'm still confused and feeling lost about some things, but for the most part i feel good. and i'm moving forward. and that is what's important.
i have completely revamped my diet again. back to the no wheat/gluten/sugar thing. actually this weekend i've been having some weird stomach pains that feel like an ulcer so i've been eating plain bread and crackers because i feel like shit. so i'm hoping that will not fuck up my mood like it has in the past.
i've been pretty diligent about taking my iron and vitamin d. forgot the past couple days because i was out of town for xmas but i will get back on that tomorrow.
this is a boring post but i feel it's also important to keep track of where i am at and what i'm feeling at different times.