i've been in a crummy mood lately. which is the reason i've been so silent.

yesterday was me and tony's anniversary. i had to work till 5 or so, and then we went to seva for a delicious dinner. really low key, but nice. we had a long talk about some things that were really important, and i believe we are moving forward. we spent a good part of today together and we had a lot of fun, even though we were just kind of running errands and stuff.

sunday we went to the livonia fireworks. it was cooler than usual but they were really nice, as always. well, minus the guy yelling "FREEDOM!!!" constantly. hah!



i've been really emotional today. one minute i'm fine, the next i'm crying in the corner of the shower. it's very frustrating. i have a lot on my mind. i wish i could just get it all out. maybe i just dont know what i want anymore...


i hate cell phones/sprint

two weeks. still a broken phone. no one knows what is going on with it. very frustrating.

i'm currently avoiding doing my homework that my therapist gave me. so unmotivated.

i go to 5th ave every thursday nite. have been for over a year. developed some great friendships there. last night was the last time they were opened. it was extremely sad. i dont even want to think about it. so it was an ok night...met some cool people, said "later" to some great people, and tried to be cheery as hard as it was. it was pretty much hard on everyone.

kat, joey, and me. joey is one of our faves.

also, while i had kat's camera i found this gem from last month:

seriously, how great was my hair?! i gotta say, i do miss it like that. i'm getting bored with what i have now...hmmmmmm. maybe it's time for a change!


damn it feels good to be a gangsta

i love being able to speak my mind. express my feelings, get things off my chest, etc. i feel like i have my friends back. it was very hard for me to say certain things to certain people, but communication is huge. and thankfully my friends felt comfortable enough to open up to me and communicate their feelings to me.

life is good.

kat and i went out last nite. had an awesome time. met some cool people. she met some guy from the wings that she's in love with and he ended up being super cool. i'm so proud of her that she put her insecurities aside and approached him on her own!! i broke down and had a beer last night too. it was fucking delicious! it's been almost six weeks and i just dont want to live my life depriving myself of things that i enjoy. and i gotta tell ya, my health has not suffered from that one little beer today. so i think i'm good to go!

there are a couple sites that i've really been enjoying lately. one being thoughts become things. the website is based on the premise that "
thoughts become things... choose the good ones!" if you sign up for their daily emails, you receive "notes from the universe". they are cute and inspiring and i really love getting them every day.

also, paperbackswap is awesome. i'm addicted. basically, you swap books. i've sent out seven books this week. which means i will get seven credits towards other members books that i will get for free. it's such a great concept and being the avid book-reader that i am, it works perfectly for me. i keep the books i love and want to keep in my collection, and i get rid of the ones that didn't do anything for me. could there be anything better??

loving you more today than yesterday,


yesterday in photos

i had a long, stressful day. therapy was hard, but helpful. when tony got home we decided to grill. i looove asparagus grilled..yummy.

after dinner i decided we should go teeter tottering. well let me tell you, that was very hard to do since we couldn't find a teeter totter anywhere!! we were on a search for over an hour..trying over ten parks in the area. i couldn't believe that no one has teeter totters in parks or at schools anymore! are they dangerous or something? i dont understand! it was very sad.

because we couldn't find a teeter totter we decided to look into buying a big trampoline. which was just as hard to find as the damn teeter totter! so we went home empty handed. although, while looking for a trampoline at meijer, we did find this gem:

i thought it was hilarious because i have never heard of anything of this nature until a year ago when i was in niagara with my parents. my dad got out of the shower and was blow-drying and i asked my mom what he was drying...because he doesn't have much hair! she told me he was drying his private area so he wouldn't get "the wolf". well, according to this product, it's not called the wolf, it's called monkey butt. awesome.

aww..love on sale


tattoo, frustrations, etc..

i got some more work done on my tattoo yesterday. shit's taking forever. i've already sat for eight hours and it's a little over halfway done. i have another appointment in august, after aaron gets done with tour. he'd like to think it's going to get done in one more sitting but i know it'll be at least two more. just sucks...i hope it's done before the end of the year. i was originally hoping by the end of summer but it looks like that wont happen. i guess thats what happens when your tattooist is in a famous band. hah.

so i've been trying to stay positive. this week has been exceptionally hard to stay focused and grounded. these are just a few things i've had to deal with:

1. grampie is doing real bad. i dont even want to get into it. but he's not good at all. and my fucking grandmother is being a selfish bitch. i wish there was a way for me to make her see that this is not about her. THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU, GRAMS!

2. my brother's gf went to atl this week and we kept her car at our place so she didn't have to pay for airport parking. well, i wont even go into all of the annoyances surrounding that situation, because there really are too many. i'll just say i ended up spending a lot more time with her than i would have liked (because we dont get a long. i do NOT like this person). also, we ended up with a shitty car situation on our way to pick her up from the airport (i.e. some idiot in front of us just bought a big plastic storage garage thingy and did not make sure it was secured in the bed of his truck..wind picked up the top of it and it flew OVER my jeep, landing right in front of my bro's gf's car (that tony was driving) and punctured a hole in the radiator.) Basically, it was a big fucking mess. and we had to deal with it for six fucking hours.)

3. my friends...or should i say "friends"?? i am at a loss for words to describe the hurt and anger i feel towards people that i thought were really close to me. i have literally made my stomach ache from obsessing over what to do about these people. i cry when i think about how things used to be, and i cry more when i think about how things are now. i feel like i am not cared for by people that i care the most about. and that, that is a horrible feeling.

i wish i could ride my scooter today. it's nice out and i'm wasting it being inside sulking. well, not just sulking...i have been super busy doing shit that needed to be done a long time ago.

thank you sunshine, for coming out and sticking around on my gloomy day.
"remember that time when we was walking home from school and we stopped by st. nick park to sit down for a minute and kiss? remember that little white butterfly that came and sat on the back of the bench for a minute, then flew away when i tried to catch it for you? you told me that was the first butterfly you had ever seen in harlem. it was the first one i had ever seen uptown too. i haven't seen one since."

"right now, it looks like the whole sky is filled with white butterflies. i'm standing at 158th and the george washington bridge, right at the walkway looking down at the water. i ripped all the letters you ever sent me up in little pieces, so small that anybody who finds a piece would barely be able to read the words. little by little, i'm letting the wind carry the pieces away. they're flying and dancing and soaring like that butterfly we saw that day. i'm letting you go, i'm finally letting go."


fucking bullshit

apparently my "best friend" has decided to ditch me for her new drug lifestyle. after two years of being clean she started using again when i was in florida. she's been weird and distant to me. she just pretty much ditched me at the bar to go hang out with her other drug friends. it doesn't help that i cant drink anymore...i guess you have to be drunk when you hang out with your best friend in order to have fun. i'm so pissed off and so hurt right now i dont even know what to do. i cant believe she is acting like this.

it also doesn't help that i am having issues with other "friends" in my life. i just wish people could be fucking real with me. would stop fucking using me. and quit playing games. i am much too old for this.

isn't there anyone genuine out there? maybe someone with their head on straight???


i'm ready for it to be over...

you bring the drinks,
and i'll bring the fuck-yous


i am

super disappointed in the pre...

i am also currently phone-less. because this stupid fucking thing wont turn on. i dont even know why i bought this.

feeling weird about shit

but i did get a new phone today. which isn't working. so i currently have no phone. i really want to play with it (the new palm pre) but i cant. hopefully my plan gets switched over soon so i can explore.

i had my first bride today. really cute pregnant asian girl. could barely speak english. i did better than i thought i could (and i suck at updos). i was proud of myself.

i wish i could shake the mentally exhausting feeling i've had the past couple weeks. i dont think i can do this anymore.

i did have a wonderful day to myself yesterday. spent a good four hours at henry ford estates taking photos, meditating, and just hanging out enjoying nature.


i was really pleased with the photos. i have some cool dreamy type shots of flowers that i adore. i'm feeling tired and lazy so i wont even bother posting them now..soon, soon...


ride on

although i love my family dearly, being with them for over two days straight is a bit much. regardless, we had a good time at cedar point.


he's getting so big!


favorite irises that were at the detroit zoo

zoo animals

in case you didn't know, all photos get bigger if you click on them.