sunny day was friday. it was phenomenal. i haven't seen them play in close to ten years (this was their reunion tour) and they sounded better than then did back then. it was sooo good. and the guitar player was so stoked to be there which made it that much better. there were a lot of people there...but the four guys that stood in front of us were the best. those dudes were so fucking excited! you could tell they'd been bros for a long ass time..they were singing and swaying and rockin out the entire show! they were so happy and it made my experience better because of it. i am SO glad we were able to get tickets to see them!

so we were supposed to drive to maryland for the weekend for a car show. things kept getting all screwed up. decided a month ago to stay in tony's grandpa's cabin in the u.p. found out a week ago that there was no electricity or anything. and that it was gonna rain all weekend. so we decided not to go. THEN we were gonna go back to maryland. late friday nite we found out our friends only had the beach house for fri and sat nite so by the time we would have got there we would have only had one nite there and it wasn't worth the drive. instead we ended up driving to my parents house saturday afternoon. it was my dad's bday thursday and mom's was sunday. so it was a nice surprise for them! saturday nite me, tony, shawn, jen, and dad all went to the local bar. we did lots of drinking and talking and bonding. it was a good time for sure. sunday we got up and drove to st. joe after a big lunch and hung out at the beach. it was sooo good to be back near some water. just listening to real waves and having my feet in the sand and sun on my face brought my mind back to florida earlier this year. how important that trip was to me. how much i learned about myself and how good it was to experience everything that i felt there. how i miss adam and wish we still lived near each other. how i need to have getaways like that more often. how i'm really not looking forward to this michigan winter!

we got back home this afternoon. got things done around the house. i'm sleepy and hans is over. one more day off before i have to get back to work. lets just hope for the best when i go back...


one of the many reasons ann arbor rules

RIP tare panda

i had to put tare panda to sleep today. late last week she developed a tumor on/in her eye. it's been getting worse and worse and she's blind out of that eye and she's constantly fucking with it. it looks so painful so i thought this would be the right thing to do.

i cried twice yesterday just thinking about it. i thought i had all my tears out. ohhh no no...i didn't. i fought back tears all the way up to the door, and then on the way out the door i was thanking the girls for being so nice and started sobbing.

so i would like to thank the two nice gentlemen that carried tare panda's home to the door for me. they very easily could have just pointed to where i was supposed to go. instead they held doors open for me and apologized for my sick hamster. and thank you to the two nice girls that had to do the awful deed of actually putting her down. what a shit job! i mean, someone's got to do it..i'm just glad it's not me.

last nite i changed her bedding one last time. gave her fresh water. and picked out all sunflower seeds to put them in her bowl (those were her favorite).

two deaths in two weeks. actually, my gpa died exactly two weeks ago today. :(


happy peace day!

i took this from a blog that i read on a regular basis called superforest. i just really liked it and think it's important to do! not just on peace day, but every day!

Happy Peace Day, SuperForest!

Today is
Peace Day and let’s celebrate it by being peaceful. Smile at your fellow diamonds. Sparkle at them and enjoy their return sparkle. Say nice things to your fellow humans just to see their faces light up. Hold the door for each other, and email everyone you love to tell them they are great.

Perhaps today is the day that you pick one person that you’ve quarreled with, or one person that you feel has wronged you, and you call them up, or email them, and you say: “Hey (their name), I know we’ve (insert verb), but I just wanted to say: Happy Peace Day, and I love you.”

That will make you feel great inside.

You are great.
Peace Day!


mc reg

got back from the regina spektor show a little bit ago.

she's so cute. she has a sweet, tiny voice, but it is also so strong. and the things that come out of her mouth!!!!

when she played laughing with i started crying and couldn't stop.

that was the first song i heard right after i found out my grandpa died.


today was my first day back after almost a week

tony took a half day thursday and we drove down to kzoo. on the way there my mom called and told me to go straight to grams house. everyone seemed to be in decent spirits so that was good. gram started to get a little teary when we all went to leave, so that was hard.

friday was the visitation. A LOT of people came so that was awesome. i thought i was feeling ok until i walked in the door and saw this photo slide show they had playing. i just broke down. but whoever put the slide show together did an amazing job. everything was so nice. people sat around telling stories. but it was also really sad, obviously. my grandma would not leave my grandpa's side. it was heart-breaking. she just kept talking to him and touching his face and holding his hand. she'd have little break downs and start crying. it was awful to watch. they were married for 61 years...can you imagine being with someone EVERY DAY for 61 years and then all of a sudden waking up and being alone?

anyway, it was really nice that so many people came. people that i haven't seen in a really long time. all coming to support my family. it really meant a lot.

the visitation was three hours long (the first hour was just family). it felt like it lasted for days. it was very emotionally and physically exhausting.

i had a hard time sleeping that night. saturday there was an hour long visitation before the funeral service. during the visitation i finally had enough balls to go up to my grandpa. i wasn't able to do so before that. the actual funeral was really beautiful. the minister was a friend of my moms and he did such a wonderful job. he made it very personal and said very nice things about my grampie. he picked out really nice verses and other things to read. he really did a great job. my uncle got up and said some things. and then after that my brother did, which was a shock. i cried the entire time. when it was time to walk out and say last goodbyes i walked up to my grandpa for the last time. i was already crying when i walked up, but as soon as i got to him i started sobbing and crying uncontrollably. literally on the verge of an anxiety attack.

it's been very hard but i do realize that he isn't in pain anymore. that he is better off wherever he is. and i miss him like crazy.



i was having a pretty decent day today. i cleaned up the house, did some laundry, relaxed a bit...decided to head to target to wander the isles and pick up a few things i needed. got some good finds: lots of socks on clearance, some black lace tights, cute ass jeans and a pink paul frank hoodie for my niece. while i was wandering the shoe isle, i got a phone call from my dad: "grandpa died".

the only thing that came out of my mouth was "what?" and then my eyes flooded with tears. it's a little awkward crying in the shoe isle at target. and not one person looked up at me.

it's 11pm. i'm not the slightest bit tired. i wish i could get some sleep. i have decided to go to work tomorrow for a few hours, just to get out of the house. same thing for thursday (unless i have to be in kzoo earlier). no clue when the funeral is yet.

i have so many thoughts going through my head right now. i wish i could put my mind to rest. i wish there was something i could do. i wish for strength for my grandma right now. can you imagine being with someone for 50+ years and then all of a sudden not having them around?