today was my first day back after almost a week

tony took a half day thursday and we drove down to kzoo. on the way there my mom called and told me to go straight to grams house. everyone seemed to be in decent spirits so that was good. gram started to get a little teary when we all went to leave, so that was hard.

friday was the visitation. A LOT of people came so that was awesome. i thought i was feeling ok until i walked in the door and saw this photo slide show they had playing. i just broke down. but whoever put the slide show together did an amazing job. everything was so nice. people sat around telling stories. but it was also really sad, obviously. my grandma would not leave my grandpa's side. it was heart-breaking. she just kept talking to him and touching his face and holding his hand. she'd have little break downs and start crying. it was awful to watch. they were married for 61 years...can you imagine being with someone EVERY DAY for 61 years and then all of a sudden waking up and being alone?

anyway, it was really nice that so many people came. people that i haven't seen in a really long time. all coming to support my family. it really meant a lot.

the visitation was three hours long (the first hour was just family). it felt like it lasted for days. it was very emotionally and physically exhausting.

i had a hard time sleeping that night. saturday there was an hour long visitation before the funeral service. during the visitation i finally had enough balls to go up to my grandpa. i wasn't able to do so before that. the actual funeral was really beautiful. the minister was a friend of my moms and he did such a wonderful job. he made it very personal and said very nice things about my grampie. he picked out really nice verses and other things to read. he really did a great job. my uncle got up and said some things. and then after that my brother did, which was a shock. i cried the entire time. when it was time to walk out and say last goodbyes i walked up to my grandpa for the last time. i was already crying when i walked up, but as soon as i got to him i started sobbing and crying uncontrollably. literally on the verge of an anxiety attack.

it's been very hard but i do realize that he isn't in pain anymore. that he is better off wherever he is. and i miss him like crazy.