how are you supposed to prepare for someone's death?



we went to the movies a couple times this weekend. we have turned friday night into our date nite. i figured i have other nights where i hang out with certain people, so friday would be me and tony's day!

anyway, we went to see Up in 3-d. it was realllllyy cute. but i gotta say, i cried throughout the entire damn movie! i guess i just wasn't expecting the storyline. probably because i had never seen previews for it? but it was sweet and cute and i really liked it.

and last night we went to see 500 Days of Summer. i've heard really bad reviews but i really thought it looked cute and i love zooey deschanel. anyway, i loved it. i thought it was cute as hell. they put it together nicely and i liked the storyline (even though it didn't end up they way you thought it would). i could watch it over and over. i also cried during it...maybe i'm just emotional lately? i also fell in love with joseph gordon-levitt...i thought he did a great job in this movie. i really haven't seen him in anything but 3rd rock and 10 things i hate about you. but i really liked him in 500! he also showed off his singing/dancing skills. all in all, a good movie, and i loved it.

and now it's a beautiful day outside and i have to work. we haven't had many good days this year, and i swear they are always on work days! :(


not the best quality...these are pictures of photos cuz i dont have a scanner

for the life of me i could not figure out what this photo was of (i think tony took it). finally i realized that it is the inside of a car...and the nekkid lady body is the stick shift. hah!


i miss my family

after talking with my sister in law last week, i decided to go down to visit my family. i left monday after work. got to kazoo around 11pm. jen and i went to the local bar and got a few beers, talked, played those bar games, and played some pool. we had a lot of fun and it was good to just spend some time with her. we haven't hung out like that since high school!

tuesday we went shopping. got lunch, met up with my mom, etc. in case you wanted to know, this is what i look like with long hair:


after shopping i went to go see my gpa. he just got out of the hospital and moved to a new nursing home. he slept a lot while i was there...he honestly didn't look good. then again he also has pnemonia now. he's lost a lot of weight. his limbs are like sticks and his ribs sick out about four inches. his skin is loose and bruised. it was very hard to see him like that.

after that i went to watch caleb at his tae kwon do class. he's so cute it's sick! there was another boy his age and they got to spar. caleb kept saying how he was the strongest person ever! and "feel my muscles" hahah. it was adorable.

then we just went back to moms and we had dinner and hung out for a bit before i went home.

i miss the kids already. they're so much fun to play with. i wish i had more time to see them and hang out with them.

she looks exactly like me when i was little except with dark hair. she found a picture of me and my brothers and she points me out and says it's her, and points shawn out and says it's caleb. it's totally weird.




i need help with a decision:

sunny day reunion tour


weekend vacation to ocean city maryland for a car show



i love me a good picnic

and i've been on several lately.

i also love me a salad with avocado. mmmmmmmm

there was a petting zoo at an art fair we had a picnic at. this is a baby alpaca. i want him. he was sooo sweet and funny and adorable.

we also went to northville to have a picnic with red pepper deli. so good. got nori rolls and collard rolls. i wish they had more things on the menu. or maybe they need to open more raw food restaurants in the area!

why can't i be young again OR why does getting older change things?

what is it about getting older that changes things?

do you remember when you were 12? when you had a best friend? how did you share things with that person? what did you do with them? how did you act around them? didn't you know every detail about their life, good and bad? didn't you love them no matter what because they were your best friend? you talked to them constantly. you cried with them, laughed with them, had fun and got mad at them? but everything always worked out.

i have a "best friend". we work together a couple times a week. we go out to the bar once a week. and we occasionally text each other. we have no idea what each other does throughout the week (for the most part).

i have other "best friends". people that i'm really close to. people that i connect with, that i feel comfortable with. people that i share parts of my life with.

i do not however, have a best friend like i used to have a best friend.

something changed when i got older. people build walls. they dont have time for the little things anymore.

one of my "bffs" pointed out to me recently that people "get busy". lives get in the way of friendships. jobs are demanding. significant others want attention. families grow and change and now your "best friend" has other things to do.

my question is: why does getting older do that to people?

i still very much care about every detail of all of my friends' lives. sometimes i guess i just wish someone would reciprocate...


today's note from the universe makes total sense today

Yesterday I watched a small bird, flying very fast, disappear into the canopy of an oak tree. So dense were its leaves that it was impossible to see what happened next, though I can tell you it remained inside.

I wondered how the little bird found its opening through the leaves at such a speed, and then managed to gently align its fragile body on the branch it chose to land upon, all within a fraction of a second. Not to mention the impossible to imagine flying maneuvers required: the banking, the curling, the vertical and horizontal stabilizations, the deceleration and landing.

Memory? Calculation? Not in that tiny brain. Instinct? Maybe, but how does instinct know which way the branches of a tree have grown when no two are the same?

lisa, that little bird just knew. It had faith, in spite of not being able to see how things would work out, that if (and only if) it stayed the course the details would be taken care of; that an opening would appear and a twig would be found. In fact, had she slowed down enough to carefully and logically inspect the tree first, the prudent thing to do, she would have lost her lift and fallen to the ground.

Kind of like reaching for your dreams. Neither memory, nor calculating, nor instincts are the deciding factors, but faith coupled with action.

The Universe


why does it always feel so difficult..


two things i'm REAL excited for

1. jason mraz in august

2. europe next year



i didn't feel like getting out of bed today...now i know why

got an email from my mom. my gpa has been having problems with his hip still after the surgery. he was admitted to the hospital yesterday. they need to replace the rod in his hip with a longer one. while he was there they did a cat scan. they say his lung cancer has spread to his leg.

i just want him to feel better. i want him to go home. he's depressed from being at the nursing home. it's been hard on him and my gma. she's lost 15 pounds because of the stress. as much as i dont want him to go, i feel like he's ready. just let him go home already! let him rest at home...

this is not typical july weather

i should not be wearing jeans and hoodies in july. i should be wearing sun dresses!

grrr to you, michigan!

cotton candy, i miss you!

tiniest horse ever! i named him prince (he looks like the artist formerly know as.....!)


the universe works in mysterious ways. and other updates.

i didn't have to work all weekend. it was nice to have three days off in a row.

i have this friend, brian, who i haven't heard from since late 2007. this is a common thing to happen with us...this talking/not talking. anyway, he was the first person i met that i realized i was soul-connected to. we always had this great bond and connection. i've known him since i was 17 i think. anyway, from 2004 to 2007 we had constant communication. he had a terrible accident and was hit by a semi, leaving him brain damaged (i found out in 2004). from then on i think we realized we'd have to try better to stay in touch...we'd write and call and all that. i witnessed him slow-talking, with no real memory of certain things..growing and changing to the brian that i remember when we first met. he started processing things again, verbalizing better, and remember the little things that people should never be able to forget. 2007 was when i got my last letter from him. he lost his phone, his email, and apparently the ability to write back to me! ;) i still wrote him anyway. updating him on what was going on with me and all. sometime this year i started getting really worried. i felt like something wasn't right and i started looking in the obituary to see if something had happened to him or his parents. i found nothing so i had to assume that everything was ok.

well, on friday i decided to call his old phone number. every time i've called it before there was no one to pick up...no answering machine or voice mail. but i tried again friday and after SEVERAL rings, i was about to hang up when a boy answered the phone. he, of course, told me "wrong number" but i did think it was interesting that after two years of calling the same number sporadically i finally got someone. but that's not the weird part.

i figured after that it was obviously not the correct phone number so i could finally get rid of it and never try again. and that i would try one last letter.

tony and i decided to work on our kitchen this weekend. saturday we started painting and all that, and sometime during the day i get a text message. it's from brian. wishing me a happy 4th.

i dont think i will ever understand all the synchronicitys that happen in life. but i do get that feeling that things are supposed to happen for a certain reason. sometimes i just wish i knew what the purpose was...either way, i'm lucky to have them happen to me!

in other updates, i mentioned that we worked on the kitchen this weekend. well, it's almost done. just a couple little things here and there. i loooove it. i want to spend all my time in there.



i look at it and i cant believe it's finally done. i've wanted to redo the kitchen for a looong time. i'm so glad it turned out so nicely!!