torn

i am currently being faced with a difficult situation.

i was put on a mood stabilizer for my bipolar last tuesday. i have hated it. i got my dose changed after 3 days. it didn't make much better. i got every bad side effect you could get, with non of the "perks". last night (technically, this morning) i slept 3 whole hours. this is the only MS that does not make you gain weight.

i went back today to talk about my options. she gave me 3. all 3 make you gain weight (after doing some research, some say 30 lbs!!!). honestly i didn't like any of my options but i am also sick of feeling like shit. i started to get an anxiety attack and i finally said fine, you tell me the best one. she gave me an rx and i got it filled. while waiting i looked up the pros and cons. now i realize everyone is different but this one has some pretty serious cons.

part of me wants to just find a med that will "fix me" (is that even possible?) but the other part of me wants nothing to do with medicine. on top of that, doctor appointments are costing me $60/week of money that i dont even have.

cant i just wake up tomorrow and feel like my old self??