sometimes i hate myself

i have been constantly trying to remind myself that not everyone is ok with being open and honest. that just because i am being open it doesn't mean they will be open back.

unfortunately right now that just feels like rejection.

basically i thought i had a new friend and i'm sure i opened up a little too much (or at least felt like i could open up) and now they are ignoring me.

an old friend of mine confirmed that men and women cant usually be friends with one another because there is always someone having feelings for someone else. which sort of sounds ridiculous because we are fucking adults. but he says "we're all just electricity and wires and shit and hardly ever actually in control". i get it, but knowing that hurts.

plus i have another friend who seems to be avoiding me as well.

and today at work a lady said something really nasty about my hair, in regards to me doing my job. which is stupid as fuck because i'm a HAIR STYLIST so i can have whatever kind of hair i want. i just feel really judged and that feeling is the worst thing in the world for me. i cant shake it for some reason. i have never felt judged at work before (i mean, by my coworkers maybe but never my clients). it has always been my sort of "safe place" and now i dont have that anymore. which may be why i cant drop it.

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