i'm ready for it to be over...

you bring the drinks,
and i'll bring the fuck-yous

i am

super disappointed in the pre...


i am also currently phone-less. because this stupid fucking thing wont turn on. i dont even know why i bought this.

feeling weird about shit

but i did get a new phone today. which isn't working. so i currently have no phone. i really want to play with it (the new palm pre) but i cant. hopefully my plan gets switched over soon so i can explore.

i had my first bride today. really cute pregnant asian girl. could barely speak english. i did better than i thought i could (and i suck at updos). i was proud of myself.

i wish i could shake the mentally exhausting feeling i've had the past couple weeks. i dont think i can do this anymore.

i did have a wonderful day to myself yesterday. spent a good four hours at henry ford estates taking photos, meditating, and just hanging out enjoying nature.


see?

i was really pleased with the photos. i have some cool dreamy type shots of flowers that i adore. i'm feeling tired and lazy so i wont even bother posting them now..soon, soon...

ride on

although i love my family dearly, being with them for over two days straight is a bit much. regardless, we had a good time at cedar point.

adorable.

he's getting so big!

favorite irises that were at the detroit zoo

zoo animals

in case you didn't know, all photos get bigger if you click on them.

note to self:

stop. looking at the internet. when you're fuckin bored.

it does more harm than good.

seriously, STOP!

going to cedar point for the weekend!

i feel really great today!

that is all.

i just had to share it.

:D

more later!

seein red

i had a weird dream with deer last nite. and i've seen several images of deer lately as well...

"when deer show up in your life it is time to be gentle with yourself and others. a new innocence and freshness is about to be awakened or born. there is going to be a gentle, enticing lure of new adventures. ask yourself important questions. are you trying to force things? are others? are you being too critical and uncaring of yourself? when deer show up there is an opportunity to express gentle love that will open new doors to adventure for you."

and the animals are always red. first the elephant, then the frog, and now the deer. i find that interesting...

update

this is how i feel about the past weekend :)


was very busy this weekend, but in a good way. we had a bbq, we went to a bbq, got to hang out with good friends that i wish i could see more and good friends that i haven't seen in a long time.

tried out red pepper deli in northville (delicious raw food) while on a picnic. got nori rolls and the raw tacos. so fucking good!


he's so handsome


went to the detroit zoo and hung out with some animals i dont usually spend time with. i'll post photos after i go through them.

fell in love with irises...and will hopefully soon plant some in the yard! probably photos for some of those too...they had a whole section of irises at the zoo and there were colors i have never seen before and i loved them all.

watched a beautiful, beautiful movie called bella. the actors were all beautiful, along with the storyline and cinematography...i seriously loved everything about this movie. which does not happen very often.

i only work two days this week and i have the weekend off because i'm going to cedar point. it'll be nice to spend the weekend with my family and get to have fun on the roller coasters!

picture post

i was going through my wedding photos to look for something to rasterbate for our living room wall. it is currently blank because we did some re-arranging and wanted something new but i've been too lazy to create something. anyway, i look at my wedding photos and i hardly recognize the person in them. it's been almost two years since then and i can't believe how much i have changed.

i dont ever remember seeing this photo but for some reason i like it:


in the end, this is the image i rasterbated: (i hope it turns out cool)

this is what i look like today: (i absolutely looove my new hair color)


and my new green eyeshadow:


breakfast every morning:

fin.

this made me giggle all the way home

imagine me. little ole me (i know i'm not little but i feel little when i wear a sun dress). riding home from work on my cute little baby blue scoot scoot. in my cute little white helmet. in a cute little pink and white and blue sun dress. minding my own business. stopped at a red light. all of a sudden SURROUNDED by a pack of huge biker dudes. waiting patiently at the red light that lasts forever. them revving their big-bike engines. me feeling tiny in my dress (who wears a dress on a bike??). seriously, completely, 100% surrounded by big motorcycles! and little ole me, right smack dab in the middle.

it made me giggle..you should too!

sometimes i really hate thinking of titles

i dont ever, ever, ever watch tv. we got rid of our cable months ago and it has been heaven. no more relying on filling empty space with junk. no more wasting precious time with useless crap.

jason mraz was supposed to be on american idol tonite. i was real excited. then i saw it. and it sucked.

end of story. hah. and then someone died.

:/

in other news, i had a shitty day. it ended well, with awesome end-of-the-day clients, lots of cash, and a refreshing scoot ride home.

on the way to work i had a small wardrobe malfunction. it was super nice out and i wanted to wear a dress to work. but i also wanted to ride my scooter. so i opted for this cute little number:

sorry for the awesome quality. i didn't feel like taking a thousand photos to get something great. this will have to do. anyway, this is one of my favorite belts. it's black satin and looks like a cumberbund. normally i just tie it in a bow and i'm good for the day! well, apparently if you are riding a scooter the wind will untie your belt while you are driving. i almost lost my belt! luckily i grabbed it just as it was coming off! needless to say, i felt like an idiot. i then had to pull over and re-tie my belt with a knot so i could finish my ride to work.

PS. i fully take back what i said about jason mraz's performance on american idol.

rant

i have a problem.
sometimes the internet is the devil.
or maybe my curiosity/boredom is the devil.


i think i'm finding out who my "real" friends are.
which, sadly, is not that many.
everyone else are just fair-weather friends.
and that makes me sad.


could people STOP playing games with me?!
wtf.

lets think positive here

i got so wrapped up in the shitty stuff this week that i totally just remembered i bought jason mraz tickets! he's finally coming to detroit and i cant fucking wait!!!

also, i heart my family.

couple more zoo photos

day four

of my yeast free diet.

blows.

i'm craving shit i haven't had in years.

my body hurts so bad that i have a hard time sitting/standing up.

i have terrible cold/allergy symptoms like whoa. and i'm exhausted.

i miss bread.

i miss beer.

i miss feeling full.

blehh

i started crying at the grocery store while trying to find something to eat for this diet.
the vitamins alone are going to make me broke.

i wish vitamins were covered by insurance!

i have to stop thinking about food like i live for it. or else i will never get past this frustration.

i haven't meditated since i've been back from florida. i feel out of whack.


my spirit guide is an elephant. this guy walked right over to me while at the zoo from across his area. stayed and hung out for almost ten minutes! i wish i could go back to that...

positive thinking

i got a colonic this morning.
i have candida (allergy to yeast).
my life is changing rapidly..

i feel stressed out and too busy..

deep breath, right?


this little baby was born this year. cutie, no?

florida top ten (in no particular order)

1. being able to relax
2. laying on the beach
3. seeing adam for the first time in almost five years
4. going to the zoo
5. meeting adam's friends
6. drinking beer when i wanted
7. mellow mushroom
8. reading constantly
9. sushi
10. feeling free

worst thing about my florida trip?

burnt feet!

back to reality

florida was awesome. it was exactly what i needed. i had a great time by myself, with adam, and with the locals. i'm exhausted and dont feel like getting into details but i'm so glad i got to go when i did. as glad as i am to be home, in my own bed, i miss florida, and i miss adam! and i for sure miss the weather. really? coming back to cold and rain?! bleh.

now that's a genuine smile right thur

TODAY IS THE DAY!

finished reading the secret! (i was skeptical at first but it was fucking good)

aveda is hosting a contest where you can win a free trip to nyc, for a class with a master colorist, includes the cost of the class, airfare, hotel, plus almost $800. i'm the only one from work trying to win it. i've been busting my ass to get all the services in that i needed! when i got into work today, all i had to get was two moisture treatment add-ons. i said "i'm getting them both today" and guess what?! i got both of them today! so i have to get my form signed tomorrow saying i did everything, and i have to send in my sheet and i am going to win that fucking trip!

right after i told everyone the news, a girl at work handed me an envelope, with my paycheck! i didn't even realize today was payday!

on top of all that, i sealed some more florida plans!

TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT!!

i will feel better

it's been about a week since i have taken my effexor.
unfortunately i have had to take xanax a few times a day to help get rid of the withdrawls.
i felt good alllll day yesterday until later at nite. my head started tunneling and my vision started trailing. on top of that (which have all been normal this whole process) i have started getting the shakes and muscle spasms.
it's very frustrating.

how long does it take to get out of your body completely?! i dont know how much more of this i can put up with!

so much is going on

1. my skin is breaking out again, like whoa. why is this happening right before i turn 30??

2. my grandpa got put in a nursing home. i dont know what exactly i've updated in here but last week he fell again and broke his hip. got surgery. and now he and my grandma can't take care of him so he's in a nursing home. blows.

3. i booked my flight for florida today. i'm super stoked! (on a side note, tony told me to get a new swimsuit for the trip and he helped me pick one up yesterday. it's real cute.)

4. last weekend i went out to royal oak, bar hopping. this is me right before i almost got my ass kicked:

bitch please, i so could have taken her!

5. been ridin my lil scoot scoot like crazy lately! got some sweet ass farmers burn yesterday while doing so.

not the best picture, i know..but all i had on me was my little camera and i dont really know how to use the settings cuz it's fairly new. doesn't matter, she's beautiful!

6. i have cancelled all my personal appointments this week. they can all wait until i get back, dammit. something i am doing when i get back is getting a colonic. fuckin nuts. i wonder what it will be like? i guess it takes like an hour or so. not sure how i feel about gettin mah poo sucked out my ass for an hour. hah!

7. after a really, really, incredibly rough week last week i am trying my hardest to be positive this week. so far, so good. think positive thoughts, people!

i'm coming whether you want me to or not.

florida is on the horizon.

of week of me and just me; fixing my heart, soul, and head.

remembering the times of bliss and love and fun; finding freedom and myself again.

knowing that everything happens for a reason, i will go where i want to go, and do what i want to do.

and i will know that everything will be ok.

just when i thought it was over

i almost decided to give up. on hope, on dreams, on mankind, on everything..

but today is earth day so i'll give it another chance.

i'm getting frustrated with some of my friendships lately. hell, i think i've been frustrated with just about everything in life lately. but friends are supposed to be there for you and i'm just not getting that.

i want a break. vacation. someone come take me away?

i've been really busy

so busy that i need a break! it's nice to be pre-occupied sometimes, but i haven't had a minute to just relax all week. hopefully next week will be a little more mellow.

other than that, i just want to say that tare panda is the cutest!!
love him to bits! i played with him for hours on friday and watched him eat and store food. it's super cute.

also, i found my black flip flops..hah! i found another storage box full of shoes and they were in that one. :)

um.

i have a whole lot of shoes. i mean, lots. it's slightly a problem but even if i don't wear them and i love them i just need to have them to look at!

and when it comes to flip flops, i have like, one of every color. really. sometimes several of certain colors.

i pulled out a few boxes of spring shoes and i CAN NOT find a pair of effin black flip flops!!!!!

how do i not have one of the most important staples in a shoe collection?!?!?!

fuckin crazy.

i <3 my scooter

this is me taking my motorcycle endorsement test.

and yes, i passed! so i spent the day riding my scooter. it was fun, although a little chilly. but i bet that's what i'll end up doing the rest of the weekend too!

now all i have to do is take the riding test and i'll get my full license. :D

i love my family

not only did tony take such amazing care of me the entire time i've been sick, but i just got this picture and message from my brother:

"get better aunt lisa"

i love those two cuties!!

i.v.'s suck

i dont get sick very often. i try to take good care of myself..take the right vitamins, etc..

friday i went in to get tattooed and aaron was getting over a cold. he just had a slight cough. sat for three hours, went home. no big deal. a couple hours later i started getting the chills, sweating, but i was freezing...ended up with a temp of 101.

now, i dont know why exactly i got sick. i'm not saying aaron had anything to do with it. but i've sat for three hours several times and never had a problem. anyway, sometime between friday and saturday i ended up with a temp of 103 and feeling like i was going to die. my whole body hurt...joints and muscles. i've been shitting like i'm gettin a colonoscopy tomorrow! super weak...haven't eatten anything cuz i've been so nausious.

tony took me to the hospital yesterday. i was severely dehydrated. gave me an i.v. with two liters of fluid. ran a bunch of tests. cat scan to see if there was something else that was causing me pain. after a good eight-nine hours and "nothing wrong" they sent me on my way. thanks.

oh, doc also said he didn't think the tattoo situation had anything to do with it. must have been a coincidence? i have to call him today to go over some more test results. he made me shit in a bucket so he could test my poo. sick, i know. try being the poor lady that has to test it, hah!

this morning i'm feeling better. i slept a solid six hours last nite. i have strength back in my body and i'm not as achy. i ate a small bowl of cereal which is pretty much the first solid thing i've had in days. my temp is down today so i hope it doesn't spike back up, cuz that's what it's been doing.

also

is my fucking email broke?

try it: ieatmodestmouse@yahoo.com

please and thanks.

i want to sleep. on a beach. as in; i need a vacation.

i'm tired of trying
to make everything work.

and to keep in touch with people.

it's exhausting.

i'd be much easier
if things would just happen
the way they are meant to.

like now.

without me trying.

can't wait till friday, but saturday's gonna be a bitch

i used to be a "cutter". ya know, physical pain over emotional pain, bla bla.

maybe friday will take away some of my emotional pain since i'm getting tattooed.

either way i've had an emotionally exhausting weekend.

therapy sessions are getting harder and harder. more emotional and more stripping.

thanks to the lovely kat my hair is bright again. i dont feel like messing with my camera settings but it's bright orange with some blondish and reddish pieces, along with some neon orange.

it's beautiful.

this is what i look like right now:

old, grumpy, and sorta cross-eyed?

go play at the park!

i had a weirdly emotional bike ride, but finished it off with a trip to the park.

it's amazing to feel this free..

that swing was ridiculously high off the ground. it was a bit of a challenge to jump in it!

also, i must remember to meditate in nature more often. do you even realize how amazing it is to open your eyes to this after clearing your mind and grounding yourself?

shit's bananas.

i slept like an idiot last nite.

my neck hurts. and my hips are fucking killing me. i have no clue how i'm going to be able to sit through a three hour tattoo session next week.

speaking of which, i need to bake cupcakes for aaron....

the cute reason my feet hurt:


the bag behind me says it all

i need to find something to do today. it's nice out. if you're bored, check this out.

my toes are sore

and so is my heart.




beans and rice

will probably make me fart.

why can't i get a call with good news?

my mom just called me and wanted to "update" me on what's been going on...

i guess my grandpa fell twice last week so he went to the doctor to get checked out. when he got home he fell again, this time down the stairs. so now he's got two black eyes, the side of his face is all black and blue, and his body is bruised. luckily he didn't break anything...but i guess he is in bad shape. :(