what happens now?

last night i watched a documentary called "happy". it was really interesting and made me think a lot. something that was mentioned was how a sense of community/kinship/friendship was a primary source of happiness. it got me thinking of my own life.

i've been feeling very lonely lately. which is something i haven't really felt before. i've always been a loner. always the black sheep, the odd one out, etc. i've always been ok with that.

recently i've been wanting to meet new people. i had a difficult realization recently that i dont really have any friends that are my friends and not tony's too. i moved to this side of the state not knowing anyone. any friend that i've made before tony doesn't live here anymore (or maybe never did). and any friend i've made since tony is probably friends with tony first. i've only met one or two people without tony's influence in EIGHT years. how sad is that?!

one of the reasons we wanted to move to this side of town is because we thought we'd be closer to friends. which would in turn let us see our friends more. or get invited out more. just be closer to people in general. well that hasn't happened. which makes me wonder other things...

do our lifestyles differ so much from our friends that we dont get invited places? ie: not drinking or doing drugs, not having babies, diet, etc. are our views too different that people dont want to hang out with us?

i'm not ready to change those things about me, in order to fit in. but where in the world do you meet great people to connect with that ACTUALLY have time for a new friend? at this stage in my life, am i too old to make long lasting friendships?

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