well.

i was having a pretty decent day today. i cleaned up the house, did some laundry, relaxed a bit...decided to head to target to wander the isles and pick up a few things i needed. got some good finds: lots of socks on clearance, some black lace tights, cute ass jeans and a pink paul frank hoodie for my niece. while i was wandering the shoe isle, i got a phone call from my dad: "grandpa died".

the only thing that came out of my mouth was "what?" and then my eyes flooded with tears. it's a little awkward crying in the shoe isle at target. and not one person looked up at me.

it's 11pm. i'm not the slightest bit tired. i wish i could get some sleep. i have decided to go to work tomorrow for a few hours, just to get out of the house. same thing for thursday (unless i have to be in kzoo earlier). no clue when the funeral is yet.

i have so many thoughts going through my head right now. i wish i could put my mind to rest. i wish there was something i could do. i wish for strength for my grandma right now. can you imagine being with someone for 50+ years and then all of a sudden not having them around?

how is it almost september already?

this year has been flying by.

it's been cold here. this week it's supposed to be in the mid/high 70s and sunny. i'll keep my fingers crossed. i wish it would just hit 80. this has been the shortest, worst summer.

this morning i was getting ready for work and i heard a whack on the window in the kitchen. sounded like a bird just flew into it and crashed. i went to go check it out and there was a huge squirrel sitting on the window sill. lookin in side, checkin everything out. then he started tapping on the glass. it was crazy. i've never seen anything like that in person. maybe he's trying to tell me something?

a month and a half till i turn 30. . .

has it come to this?

can we not be friends anymore?

the state

i was wandering around target waiting for a text back from tony regarding a birthday present for someone. it was taking a bit longer than i expected. i decided to check out the movie section and look what i found!

i'm so stoked on this! cant wait to watch it! the state was one of my favorite shows back in the day. they don't make comedy like this anymore!

i'm also trying to get tony to take me to blue nile tonight for our date night. i hope we go because i am craving all-you-can-eat ethiopian food!

another one

had a dream last night about meeting jason mraz. shit is gettin old! i wish it would just happen already, hah. although i really dont even know what i would say.

i think summer here is officially over. we had two weeks of beautiful sunny weather, and now we're getting back into the 70s with rain. i believe next week its supposed to be in the 60s. i hate michigan.

my gpa has pneumonia again. they are meeting today to decide if they are putting him in a hospice. which, you know what that means...

tony woke up in a horrible mood this morning, and unfortunately it rubbed off on me. i got up too early and couldn't go back to bed. and now i see that it's raining out i just dont want to go to work.

i ordered some superfoods the other day and i am anxiously awaiting their arrival. i want to try them out so bad. i'm hoping this will give me the energy i've been lacking so much lately.

wish me luck,
l

jason mraz

the show last night was incredible. we got there a little early, which ended up being a fantastic idea, because they had booths and stuff set up like a mini festival. kat and i got shirts, and we walked around for a bit. there was a guy sitting under a tent singing and playing guitar. he was really really talented and interesting. kat ended up getting his cd (his name is ben howard). had a very cool sound/voice and did interesting things with his guitar.

while we were watching ben, i saw bushwalla walking around. kinda watching stuff, talkin to people, whatever..kat and tony didn't know who he was but i did! i got too shy to walk up and say anything to him. we did make eye contact a few times and he smiled at me..i'm such a dork! i should have just went up and introduced myself. anyway, he ended up playing a few song with ben, and by himself. the manager from cafe gratitude was also there and sang with bushwalla..she has the most beautiful voice!

everyone just kinda hung out with eachother. it was super laid back and chill..that whole group of people are just so kind and genuine. it's amazing and inspiring to see people show so much love!

after watching bushwalla perform we decided to get check our seats and see what was going on at the stage. k'naan got up and did his thing..which was really good by the way. after that was g love. he was a little slow at first but got the crowd going like crazy later!

then jason came on! he played songs i've never heard him play before...both live and recorded. so that was awesome. he seemed tired but had more energy than the last time i saw him. bushwalla, k'naan, and g love all came up and contributed to jason's music. the collaberation was of course great.

after jason left the stage, of course he came back for an encore. he ended up doing the encore basically in the audience, between rows. it was incredible. the crazy thing about it was when he was walking through the crowd to get to the spot he was singing at, he walked right fucking next to me. i could have touched him! that's how close he was. i wasn't expecting to see him that close. i feel like a huge dork for being this excited about it but this is someone that i look up to and have been inspired by for a long time. i still cant believe he walked right by me! in fact, words cannot explain how i feel about it! i'm still in awe.

he's beautiful inside and out. he makes people think differently, feel differently, and live differently....he inspires people to make changes with themselves and the world. he has a beautiful voice, he can dance, and he seems like a really down to earth person. what more could you possibly need??

all in all, i got a few good pictures/videos, a whole lot of great memories, and the inspiration i have been lacking lately. so thanks to everyone who put on a fantastic show!

all this makes me want to go to san diego even more now. at least to visit...i seriously need to just get a ticket and go out there to enjoy the area!!

i've been busy

but jason mraz is tonite!!!!!!!!!!

almost time to breathe...

been crazy busy. works been awesome. me and tony have been good. had lots of time with friends and hangin out and actually enjoying the summer!

came home to this last nite:














fuck yeah!

question:

how are you supposed to prepare for someone's death?

movies

we went to the movies a couple times this weekend. we have turned friday night into our date nite. i figured i have other nights where i hang out with certain people, so friday would be me and tony's day!

anyway, we went to see Up in 3-d. it was realllllyy cute. but i gotta say, i cried throughout the entire damn movie! i guess i just wasn't expecting the storyline. probably because i had never seen previews for it? but it was sweet and cute and i really liked it.

and last night we went to see 500 Days of Summer. i've heard really bad reviews but i really thought it looked cute and i love zooey deschanel. anyway, i loved it. i thought it was cute as hell. they put it together nicely and i liked the storyline (even though it didn't end up they way you thought it would). i could watch it over and over. i also cried during it...maybe i'm just emotional lately? i also fell in love with joseph gordon-levitt...i thought he did a great job in this movie. i really haven't seen him in anything but 3rd rock and 10 things i hate about you. but i really liked him in 500! he also showed off his singing/dancing skills. all in all, a good movie, and i loved it.

and now it's a beautiful day outside and i have to work. we haven't had many good days this year, and i swear they are always on work days! :(

not the best quality...these are pictures of photos cuz i dont have a scanner

for the life of me i could not figure out what this photo was of (i think tony took it). finally i realized that it is the inside of a car...and the nekkid lady body is the stick shift. hah!

i miss my family

after talking with my sister in law last week, i decided to go down to visit my family. i left monday after work. got to kazoo around 11pm. jen and i went to the local bar and got a few beers, talked, played those bar games, and played some pool. we had a lot of fun and it was good to just spend some time with her. we haven't hung out like that since high school!

tuesday we went shopping. got lunch, met up with my mom, etc. in case you wanted to know, this is what i look like with long hair:


creepy!

after shopping i went to go see my gpa. he just got out of the hospital and moved to a new nursing home. he slept a lot while i was there...he honestly didn't look good. then again he also has pnemonia now. he's lost a lot of weight. his limbs are like sticks and his ribs sick out about four inches. his skin is loose and bruised. it was very hard to see him like that.

after that i went to watch caleb at his tae kwon do class. he's so cute it's sick! there was another boy his age and they got to spar. caleb kept saying how he was the strongest person ever! and "feel my muscles" hahah. it was adorable.







then we just went back to moms and we had dinner and hung out for a bit before i went home.





i miss the kids already. they're so much fun to play with. i wish i had more time to see them and hang out with them.



she looks exactly like me when i was little except with dark hair. she found a picture of me and my brothers and she points me out and says it's her, and points shawn out and says it's caleb. it's totally weird.


cuties!!

POLL

i need help with a decision:

sunny day reunion tour

or

weekend vacation to ocean city maryland for a car show

I CAN'T DECIDE!

i love me a good picnic

and i've been on several lately.

i also love me a salad with avocado. mmmmmmmm




there was a petting zoo at an art fair we had a picnic at. this is a baby alpaca. i want him. he was sooo sweet and funny and adorable.


we also went to northville to have a picnic with red pepper deli. so good. got nori rolls and collard rolls. i wish they had more things on the menu. or maybe they need to open more raw food restaurants in the area!

why can't i be young again OR why does getting older change things?

what is it about getting older that changes things?

do you remember when you were 12? when you had a best friend? how did you share things with that person? what did you do with them? how did you act around them? didn't you know every detail about their life, good and bad? didn't you love them no matter what because they were your best friend? you talked to them constantly. you cried with them, laughed with them, had fun and got mad at them? but everything always worked out.

i have a "best friend". we work together a couple times a week. we go out to the bar once a week. and we occasionally text each other. we have no idea what each other does throughout the week (for the most part).

i have other "best friends". people that i'm really close to. people that i connect with, that i feel comfortable with. people that i share parts of my life with.

i do not however, have a best friend like i used to have a best friend.

something changed when i got older. people build walls. they dont have time for the little things anymore.

one of my "bffs" pointed out to me recently that people "get busy". lives get in the way of friendships. jobs are demanding. significant others want attention. families grow and change and now your "best friend" has other things to do.

my question is: why does getting older do that to people?

i still very much care about every detail of all of my friends' lives. sometimes i guess i just wish someone would reciprocate...

today's note from the universe makes total sense today

Yesterday I watched a small bird, flying very fast, disappear into the canopy of an oak tree. So dense were its leaves that it was impossible to see what happened next, though I can tell you it remained inside.

I wondered how the little bird found its opening through the leaves at such a speed, and then managed to gently align its fragile body on the branch it chose to land upon, all within a fraction of a second. Not to mention the impossible to imagine flying maneuvers required: the banking, the curling, the vertical and horizontal stabilizations, the deceleration and landing.

Memory? Calculation? Not in that tiny brain. Instinct? Maybe, but how does instinct know which way the branches of a tree have grown when no two are the same?

lisa, that little bird just knew. It had faith, in spite of not being able to see how things would work out, that if (and only if) it stayed the course the details would be taken care of; that an opening would appear and a twig would be found. In fact, had she slowed down enough to carefully and logically inspect the tree first, the prudent thing to do, she would have lost her lift and fallen to the ground.

Kind of like reaching for your dreams. Neither memory, nor calculating, nor instincts are the deciding factors, but faith coupled with action.

Tallyho,
The Universe

why does it always feel so difficult..

two things i'm REAL excited for

1. jason mraz in august

2. europe next year

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i didn't feel like getting out of bed today...now i know why

got an email from my mom. my gpa has been having problems with his hip still after the surgery. he was admitted to the hospital yesterday. they need to replace the rod in his hip with a longer one. while he was there they did a cat scan. they say his lung cancer has spread to his leg.

i just want him to feel better. i want him to go home. he's depressed from being at the nursing home. it's been hard on him and my gma. she's lost 15 pounds because of the stress. as much as i dont want him to go, i feel like he's ready. just let him go home already! let him rest at home...

this is not typical july weather

i should not be wearing jeans and hoodies in july. i should be wearing sun dresses!

grrr to you, michigan!

cotton candy, i miss you!


tiniest horse ever! i named him prince (he looks like the artist formerly know as.....!)