positive thinking

i got a colonic this morning.
i have candida (allergy to yeast).
my life is changing rapidly..

i feel stressed out and too busy..

deep breath, right?


this little baby was born this year. cutie, no?

florida top ten (in no particular order)

1. being able to relax
2. laying on the beach
3. seeing adam for the first time in almost five years
4. going to the zoo
5. meeting adam's friends
6. drinking beer when i wanted
7. mellow mushroom
8. reading constantly
9. sushi
10. feeling free

worst thing about my florida trip?

burnt feet!

back to reality

florida was awesome. it was exactly what i needed. i had a great time by myself, with adam, and with the locals. i'm exhausted and dont feel like getting into details but i'm so glad i got to go when i did. as glad as i am to be home, in my own bed, i miss florida, and i miss adam! and i for sure miss the weather. really? coming back to cold and rain?! bleh.

now that's a genuine smile right thur

TODAY IS THE DAY!

finished reading the secret! (i was skeptical at first but it was fucking good)

aveda is hosting a contest where you can win a free trip to nyc, for a class with a master colorist, includes the cost of the class, airfare, hotel, plus almost $800. i'm the only one from work trying to win it. i've been busting my ass to get all the services in that i needed! when i got into work today, all i had to get was two moisture treatment add-ons. i said "i'm getting them both today" and guess what?! i got both of them today! so i have to get my form signed tomorrow saying i did everything, and i have to send in my sheet and i am going to win that fucking trip!

right after i told everyone the news, a girl at work handed me an envelope, with my paycheck! i didn't even realize today was payday!

on top of all that, i sealed some more florida plans!

TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT!!

i will feel better

it's been about a week since i have taken my effexor.
unfortunately i have had to take xanax a few times a day to help get rid of the withdrawls.
i felt good alllll day yesterday until later at nite. my head started tunneling and my vision started trailing. on top of that (which have all been normal this whole process) i have started getting the shakes and muscle spasms.
it's very frustrating.

how long does it take to get out of your body completely?! i dont know how much more of this i can put up with!

so much is going on

1. my skin is breaking out again, like whoa. why is this happening right before i turn 30??

2. my grandpa got put in a nursing home. i dont know what exactly i've updated in here but last week he fell again and broke his hip. got surgery. and now he and my grandma can't take care of him so he's in a nursing home. blows.

3. i booked my flight for florida today. i'm super stoked! (on a side note, tony told me to get a new swimsuit for the trip and he helped me pick one up yesterday. it's real cute.)

4. last weekend i went out to royal oak, bar hopping. this is me right before i almost got my ass kicked:

bitch please, i so could have taken her!

5. been ridin my lil scoot scoot like crazy lately! got some sweet ass farmers burn yesterday while doing so.

not the best picture, i know..but all i had on me was my little camera and i dont really know how to use the settings cuz it's fairly new. doesn't matter, she's beautiful!

6. i have cancelled all my personal appointments this week. they can all wait until i get back, dammit. something i am doing when i get back is getting a colonic. fuckin nuts. i wonder what it will be like? i guess it takes like an hour or so. not sure how i feel about gettin mah poo sucked out my ass for an hour. hah!

7. after a really, really, incredibly rough week last week i am trying my hardest to be positive this week. so far, so good. think positive thoughts, people!

i'm coming whether you want me to or not.

florida is on the horizon.

of week of me and just me; fixing my heart, soul, and head.

remembering the times of bliss and love and fun; finding freedom and myself again.

knowing that everything happens for a reason, i will go where i want to go, and do what i want to do.

and i will know that everything will be ok.

just when i thought it was over

i almost decided to give up. on hope, on dreams, on mankind, on everything..

but today is earth day so i'll give it another chance.

i'm getting frustrated with some of my friendships lately. hell, i think i've been frustrated with just about everything in life lately. but friends are supposed to be there for you and i'm just not getting that.

i want a break. vacation. someone come take me away?

i've been really busy

so busy that i need a break! it's nice to be pre-occupied sometimes, but i haven't had a minute to just relax all week. hopefully next week will be a little more mellow.

other than that, i just want to say that tare panda is the cutest!!
love him to bits! i played with him for hours on friday and watched him eat and store food. it's super cute.

also, i found my black flip flops..hah! i found another storage box full of shoes and they were in that one. :)

um.

i have a whole lot of shoes. i mean, lots. it's slightly a problem but even if i don't wear them and i love them i just need to have them to look at!

and when it comes to flip flops, i have like, one of every color. really. sometimes several of certain colors.

i pulled out a few boxes of spring shoes and i CAN NOT find a pair of effin black flip flops!!!!!

how do i not have one of the most important staples in a shoe collection?!?!?!

fuckin crazy.

i <3 my scooter

this is me taking my motorcycle endorsement test.

and yes, i passed! so i spent the day riding my scooter. it was fun, although a little chilly. but i bet that's what i'll end up doing the rest of the weekend too!

now all i have to do is take the riding test and i'll get my full license. :D

i love my family

not only did tony take such amazing care of me the entire time i've been sick, but i just got this picture and message from my brother:

"get better aunt lisa"

i love those two cuties!!

i.v.'s suck

i dont get sick very often. i try to take good care of myself..take the right vitamins, etc..

friday i went in to get tattooed and aaron was getting over a cold. he just had a slight cough. sat for three hours, went home. no big deal. a couple hours later i started getting the chills, sweating, but i was freezing...ended up with a temp of 101.

now, i dont know why exactly i got sick. i'm not saying aaron had anything to do with it. but i've sat for three hours several times and never had a problem. anyway, sometime between friday and saturday i ended up with a temp of 103 and feeling like i was going to die. my whole body hurt...joints and muscles. i've been shitting like i'm gettin a colonoscopy tomorrow! super weak...haven't eatten anything cuz i've been so nausious.

tony took me to the hospital yesterday. i was severely dehydrated. gave me an i.v. with two liters of fluid. ran a bunch of tests. cat scan to see if there was something else that was causing me pain. after a good eight-nine hours and "nothing wrong" they sent me on my way. thanks.

oh, doc also said he didn't think the tattoo situation had anything to do with it. must have been a coincidence? i have to call him today to go over some more test results. he made me shit in a bucket so he could test my poo. sick, i know. try being the poor lady that has to test it, hah!

this morning i'm feeling better. i slept a solid six hours last nite. i have strength back in my body and i'm not as achy. i ate a small bowl of cereal which is pretty much the first solid thing i've had in days. my temp is down today so i hope it doesn't spike back up, cuz that's what it's been doing.

also

is my fucking email broke?

try it: ieatmodestmouse@yahoo.com

please and thanks.

i want to sleep. on a beach. as in; i need a vacation.

i'm tired of trying
to make everything work.

and to keep in touch with people.

it's exhausting.

i'd be much easier
if things would just happen
the way they are meant to.

like now.

without me trying.

can't wait till friday, but saturday's gonna be a bitch

i used to be a "cutter". ya know, physical pain over emotional pain, bla bla.

maybe friday will take away some of my emotional pain since i'm getting tattooed.

either way i've had an emotionally exhausting weekend.

therapy sessions are getting harder and harder. more emotional and more stripping.

thanks to the lovely kat my hair is bright again. i dont feel like messing with my camera settings but it's bright orange with some blondish and reddish pieces, along with some neon orange.

it's beautiful.

this is what i look like right now:

old, grumpy, and sorta cross-eyed?

go play at the park!

i had a weirdly emotional bike ride, but finished it off with a trip to the park.

it's amazing to feel this free..

that swing was ridiculously high off the ground. it was a bit of a challenge to jump in it!

also, i must remember to meditate in nature more often. do you even realize how amazing it is to open your eyes to this after clearing your mind and grounding yourself?

shit's bananas.

i slept like an idiot last nite.

my neck hurts. and my hips are fucking killing me. i have no clue how i'm going to be able to sit through a three hour tattoo session next week.

speaking of which, i need to bake cupcakes for aaron....

the cute reason my feet hurt:


the bag behind me says it all

i need to find something to do today. it's nice out. if you're bored, check this out.

my toes are sore

and so is my heart.




beans and rice

will probably make me fart.

why can't i get a call with good news?

my mom just called me and wanted to "update" me on what's been going on...

i guess my grandpa fell twice last week so he went to the doctor to get checked out. when he got home he fell again, this time down the stairs. so now he's got two black eyes, the side of his face is all black and blue, and his body is bruised. luckily he didn't break anything...but i guess he is in bad shape. :(