a few months ago i decided i wanted to start working out. i told myself to start out with three times a week and work it up until five times a week. basically, i ended up unmotivated and working out very little. life would happen, and then i'd slack and have a hard time getting back into it.
on september 22nd i woke up with that feeling again that i needed to be working out. it'd been close to a month since i'd done anything physical and i was feeling like a slob. along with my new diet i thought it only made sense to really change my perspective on things. so i decided that i would really push myself and work out again. starting september 23rd i would work out every day until october 23rd, my 30th birthday. i know once you get to a certain age it really becomes hard to get yourself into shape. and i'm happy with my body and would like to maintain (if not tone up a bit more) what i have.
so i started it. i've been doing a combination of yoga and kickboxing for the past nine days straight. i have not missed a single day, and i am so proud of myself for sticking with this!
besides that, the main reason i'm writing this, is because i have reached the next level in my routine. today as i worked out, i noticed i am SO much closer to doing a certain yoga pose that i have never been able to master. i have much more balance. my flexibility is better. while sitting on the floor with my legs stretched out in front of me, i could grab my ankles and stay in that position! (sadly, i cannot sit like that and touch my toes for longer than 2 seconds. BUT I WILL BE ABLE TO SOON!) i have more energy and stamina. and hell, i'm a lot happier!
i am thrilled with the results and motivated to continue this. after today's session, i know that i am headed in the right direction. and i am also happy that me working out is not driven by the desire to look better, but simply the desire to feel better.
namaste!
10.02.2009
9.28.2009
sdre
sunny day was friday. it was phenomenal. i haven't seen them play in close to ten years (this was their reunion tour) and they sounded better than then did back then. it was sooo good. and the guitar player was so stoked to be there which made it that much better. there were a lot of people there...but the four guys that stood in front of us were the best. those dudes were so fucking excited! you could tell they'd been bros for a long ass time..they were singing and swaying and rockin out the entire show! they were so happy and it made my experience better because of it. i am SO glad we were able to get tickets to see them!
so we were supposed to drive to maryland for the weekend for a car show. things kept getting all screwed up. decided a month ago to stay in tony's grandpa's cabin in the u.p. found out a week ago that there was no electricity or anything. and that it was gonna rain all weekend. so we decided not to go. THEN we were gonna go back to maryland. late friday nite we found out our friends only had the beach house for fri and sat nite so by the time we would have got there we would have only had one nite there and it wasn't worth the drive. instead we ended up driving to my parents house saturday afternoon. it was my dad's bday thursday and mom's was sunday. so it was a nice surprise for them! saturday nite me, tony, shawn, jen, and dad all went to the local bar. we did lots of drinking and talking and bonding. it was a good time for sure. sunday we got up and drove to st. joe after a big lunch and hung out at the beach. it was sooo good to be back near some water. just listening to real waves and having my feet in the sand and sun on my face brought my mind back to florida earlier this year. how important that trip was to me. how much i learned about myself and how good it was to experience everything that i felt there. how i miss adam and wish we still lived near each other. how i need to have getaways like that more often. how i'm really not looking forward to this michigan winter!
we got back home this afternoon. got things done around the house. i'm sleepy and hans is over. one more day off before i have to get back to work. lets just hope for the best when i go back...
so we were supposed to drive to maryland for the weekend for a car show. things kept getting all screwed up. decided a month ago to stay in tony's grandpa's cabin in the u.p. found out a week ago that there was no electricity or anything. and that it was gonna rain all weekend. so we decided not to go. THEN we were gonna go back to maryland. late friday nite we found out our friends only had the beach house for fri and sat nite so by the time we would have got there we would have only had one nite there and it wasn't worth the drive. instead we ended up driving to my parents house saturday afternoon. it was my dad's bday thursday and mom's was sunday. so it was a nice surprise for them! saturday nite me, tony, shawn, jen, and dad all went to the local bar. we did lots of drinking and talking and bonding. it was a good time for sure. sunday we got up and drove to st. joe after a big lunch and hung out at the beach. it was sooo good to be back near some water. just listening to real waves and having my feet in the sand and sun on my face brought my mind back to florida earlier this year. how important that trip was to me. how much i learned about myself and how good it was to experience everything that i felt there. how i miss adam and wish we still lived near each other. how i need to have getaways like that more often. how i'm really not looking forward to this michigan winter!
we got back home this afternoon. got things done around the house. i'm sleepy and hans is over. one more day off before i have to get back to work. lets just hope for the best when i go back...
9.22.2009
RIP tare panda
i had to put tare panda to sleep today. late last week she developed a tumor on/in her eye. it's been getting worse and worse and she's blind out of that eye and she's constantly fucking with it. it looks so painful so i thought this would be the right thing to do.
i cried twice yesterday just thinking about it. i thought i had all my tears out. ohhh no no...i didn't. i fought back tears all the way up to the door, and then on the way out the door i was thanking the girls for being so nice and started sobbing.
so i would like to thank the two nice gentlemen that carried tare panda's home to the door for me. they very easily could have just pointed to where i was supposed to go. instead they held doors open for me and apologized for my sick hamster. and thank you to the two nice girls that had to do the awful deed of actually putting her down. what a shit job! i mean, someone's got to do it..i'm just glad it's not me.
last nite i changed her bedding one last time. gave her fresh water. and picked out all sunflower seeds to put them in her bowl (those were her favorite).
two deaths in two weeks. actually, my gpa died exactly two weeks ago today. :(
i cried twice yesterday just thinking about it. i thought i had all my tears out. ohhh no no...i didn't. i fought back tears all the way up to the door, and then on the way out the door i was thanking the girls for being so nice and started sobbing.
so i would like to thank the two nice gentlemen that carried tare panda's home to the door for me. they very easily could have just pointed to where i was supposed to go. instead they held doors open for me and apologized for my sick hamster. and thank you to the two nice girls that had to do the awful deed of actually putting her down. what a shit job! i mean, someone's got to do it..i'm just glad it's not me.
last nite i changed her bedding one last time. gave her fresh water. and picked out all sunflower seeds to put them in her bowl (those were her favorite).
two deaths in two weeks. actually, my gpa died exactly two weeks ago today. :(
9.21.2009
happy peace day!
i took this from a blog that i read on a regular basis called superforest. i just really liked it and think it's important to do! not just on peace day, but every day!
Happy Peace Day, SuperForest!
Today is Peace Day and let’s celebrate it by being peaceful. Smile at your fellow diamonds. Sparkle at them and enjoy their return sparkle. Say nice things to your fellow humans just to see their faces light up. Hold the door for each other, and email everyone you love to tell them they are great.
Perhaps today is the day that you pick one person that you’ve quarreled with, or one person that you feel has wronged you, and you call them up, or email them, and you say: “Hey (their name), I know we’ve (insert verb), but I just wanted to say: Happy Peace Day, and I love you.”
That will make you feel great inside.
You are great.
Happy Peace Day!
-Jackson
Happy Peace Day, SuperForest!
Today is Peace Day and let’s celebrate it by being peaceful. Smile at your fellow diamonds. Sparkle at them and enjoy their return sparkle. Say nice things to your fellow humans just to see their faces light up. Hold the door for each other, and email everyone you love to tell them they are great.
Perhaps today is the day that you pick one person that you’ve quarreled with, or one person that you feel has wronged you, and you call them up, or email them, and you say: “Hey (their name), I know we’ve (insert verb), but I just wanted to say: Happy Peace Day, and I love you.”
That will make you feel great inside.
You are great.
Happy Peace Day!
-Jackson
9.15.2009
mc reg
got back from the regina spektor show a little bit ago.
she's so cute. she has a sweet, tiny voice, but it is also so strong. and the things that come out of her mouth!!!!
when she played laughing with i started crying and couldn't stop.
that was the first song i heard right after i found out my grandpa died.
she's so cute. she has a sweet, tiny voice, but it is also so strong. and the things that come out of her mouth!!!!
when she played laughing with i started crying and couldn't stop.
that was the first song i heard right after i found out my grandpa died.
9.14.2009
today was my first day back after almost a week
tony took a half day thursday and we drove down to kzoo. on the way there my mom called and told me to go straight to grams house. everyone seemed to be in decent spirits so that was good. gram started to get a little teary when we all went to leave, so that was hard.
friday was the visitation. A LOT of people came so that was awesome. i thought i was feeling ok until i walked in the door and saw this photo slide show they had playing. i just broke down. but whoever put the slide show together did an amazing job. everything was so nice. people sat around telling stories. but it was also really sad, obviously. my grandma would not leave my grandpa's side. it was heart-breaking. she just kept talking to him and touching his face and holding his hand. she'd have little break downs and start crying. it was awful to watch. they were married for 61 years...can you imagine being with someone EVERY DAY for 61 years and then all of a sudden waking up and being alone?
anyway, it was really nice that so many people came. people that i haven't seen in a really long time. all coming to support my family. it really meant a lot.
the visitation was three hours long (the first hour was just family). it felt like it lasted for days. it was very emotionally and physically exhausting.
i had a hard time sleeping that night. saturday there was an hour long visitation before the funeral service. during the visitation i finally had enough balls to go up to my grandpa. i wasn't able to do so before that. the actual funeral was really beautiful. the minister was a friend of my moms and he did such a wonderful job. he made it very personal and said very nice things about my grampie. he picked out really nice verses and other things to read. he really did a great job. my uncle got up and said some things. and then after that my brother did, which was a shock. i cried the entire time. when it was time to walk out and say last goodbyes i walked up to my grandpa for the last time. i was already crying when i walked up, but as soon as i got to him i started sobbing and crying uncontrollably. literally on the verge of an anxiety attack.
it's been very hard but i do realize that he isn't in pain anymore. that he is better off wherever he is. and i miss him like crazy.
friday was the visitation. A LOT of people came so that was awesome. i thought i was feeling ok until i walked in the door and saw this photo slide show they had playing. i just broke down. but whoever put the slide show together did an amazing job. everything was so nice. people sat around telling stories. but it was also really sad, obviously. my grandma would not leave my grandpa's side. it was heart-breaking. she just kept talking to him and touching his face and holding his hand. she'd have little break downs and start crying. it was awful to watch. they were married for 61 years...can you imagine being with someone EVERY DAY for 61 years and then all of a sudden waking up and being alone?
anyway, it was really nice that so many people came. people that i haven't seen in a really long time. all coming to support my family. it really meant a lot.
the visitation was three hours long (the first hour was just family). it felt like it lasted for days. it was very emotionally and physically exhausting.
i had a hard time sleeping that night. saturday there was an hour long visitation before the funeral service. during the visitation i finally had enough balls to go up to my grandpa. i wasn't able to do so before that. the actual funeral was really beautiful. the minister was a friend of my moms and he did such a wonderful job. he made it very personal and said very nice things about my grampie. he picked out really nice verses and other things to read. he really did a great job. my uncle got up and said some things. and then after that my brother did, which was a shock. i cried the entire time. when it was time to walk out and say last goodbyes i walked up to my grandpa for the last time. i was already crying when i walked up, but as soon as i got to him i started sobbing and crying uncontrollably. literally on the verge of an anxiety attack.
it's been very hard but i do realize that he isn't in pain anymore. that he is better off wherever he is. and i miss him like crazy.
9.08.2009
well.
i was having a pretty decent day today. i cleaned up the house, did some laundry, relaxed a bit...decided to head to target to wander the isles and pick up a few things i needed. got some good finds: lots of socks on clearance, some black lace tights, cute ass jeans and a pink paul frank hoodie for my niece. while i was wandering the shoe isle, i got a phone call from my dad: "grandpa died".
the only thing that came out of my mouth was "what?" and then my eyes flooded with tears. it's a little awkward crying in the shoe isle at target. and not one person looked up at me.
it's 11pm. i'm not the slightest bit tired. i wish i could get some sleep. i have decided to go to work tomorrow for a few hours, just to get out of the house. same thing for thursday (unless i have to be in kzoo earlier). no clue when the funeral is yet.
i have so many thoughts going through my head right now. i wish i could put my mind to rest. i wish there was something i could do. i wish for strength for my grandma right now. can you imagine being with someone for 50+ years and then all of a sudden not having them around?
the only thing that came out of my mouth was "what?" and then my eyes flooded with tears. it's a little awkward crying in the shoe isle at target. and not one person looked up at me.
it's 11pm. i'm not the slightest bit tired. i wish i could get some sleep. i have decided to go to work tomorrow for a few hours, just to get out of the house. same thing for thursday (unless i have to be in kzoo earlier). no clue when the funeral is yet.
i have so many thoughts going through my head right now. i wish i could put my mind to rest. i wish there was something i could do. i wish for strength for my grandma right now. can you imagine being with someone for 50+ years and then all of a sudden not having them around?
8.31.2009
how is it almost september already?
this year has been flying by.
it's been cold here. this week it's supposed to be in the mid/high 70s and sunny. i'll keep my fingers crossed. i wish it would just hit 80. this has been the shortest, worst summer.
this morning i was getting ready for work and i heard a whack on the window in the kitchen. sounded like a bird just flew into it and crashed. i went to go check it out and there was a huge squirrel sitting on the window sill. lookin in side, checkin everything out. then he started tapping on the glass. it was crazy. i've never seen anything like that in person. maybe he's trying to tell me something?
a month and a half till i turn 30. . .
it's been cold here. this week it's supposed to be in the mid/high 70s and sunny. i'll keep my fingers crossed. i wish it would just hit 80. this has been the shortest, worst summer.
this morning i was getting ready for work and i heard a whack on the window in the kitchen. sounded like a bird just flew into it and crashed. i went to go check it out and there was a huge squirrel sitting on the window sill. lookin in side, checkin everything out. then he started tapping on the glass. it was crazy. i've never seen anything like that in person. maybe he's trying to tell me something?
a month and a half till i turn 30. . .
8.28.2009
the state
i was wandering around target waiting for a text back from tony regarding a birthday present for someone. it was taking a bit longer than i expected. i decided to check out the movie section and look what i found!
i'm so stoked on this! cant wait to watch it! the state was one of my favorite shows back in the day. they don't make comedy like this anymore!
i'm also trying to get tony to take me to blue nile tonight for our date night. i hope we go because i am craving all-you-can-eat ethiopian food!
i'm so stoked on this! cant wait to watch it! the state was one of my favorite shows back in the day. they don't make comedy like this anymore!
i'm also trying to get tony to take me to blue nile tonight for our date night. i hope we go because i am craving all-you-can-eat ethiopian food!
8.26.2009
another one
had a dream last night about meeting jason mraz. shit is gettin old! i wish it would just happen already, hah. although i really dont even know what i would say.
i think summer here is officially over. we had two weeks of beautiful sunny weather, and now we're getting back into the 70s with rain. i believe next week its supposed to be in the 60s. i hate michigan.
my gpa has pneumonia again. they are meeting today to decide if they are putting him in a hospice. which, you know what that means...
tony woke up in a horrible mood this morning, and unfortunately it rubbed off on me. i got up too early and couldn't go back to bed. and now i see that it's raining out i just dont want to go to work.
i ordered some superfoods the other day and i am anxiously awaiting their arrival. i want to try them out so bad. i'm hoping this will give me the energy i've been lacking so much lately.
wish me luck,
l
i think summer here is officially over. we had two weeks of beautiful sunny weather, and now we're getting back into the 70s with rain. i believe next week its supposed to be in the 60s. i hate michigan.
my gpa has pneumonia again. they are meeting today to decide if they are putting him in a hospice. which, you know what that means...
tony woke up in a horrible mood this morning, and unfortunately it rubbed off on me. i got up too early and couldn't go back to bed. and now i see that it's raining out i just dont want to go to work.
i ordered some superfoods the other day and i am anxiously awaiting their arrival. i want to try them out so bad. i'm hoping this will give me the energy i've been lacking so much lately.
wish me luck,
l
8.15.2009
jason mraz
the show last night was incredible. we got there a little early, which ended up being a fantastic idea, because they had booths and stuff set up like a mini festival. kat and i got shirts, and we walked around for a bit. there was a guy sitting under a tent singing and playing guitar. he was really really talented and interesting. kat ended up getting his cd (his name is ben howard). had a very cool sound/voice and did interesting things with his guitar.
while we were watching ben, i saw bushwalla walking around. kinda watching stuff, talkin to people, whatever..kat and tony didn't know who he was but i did! i got too shy to walk up and say anything to him. we did make eye contact a few times and he smiled at me..i'm such a dork! i should have just went up and introduced myself. anyway, he ended up playing a few song with ben, and by himself. the manager from cafe gratitude was also there and sang with bushwalla..she has the most beautiful voice!
everyone just kinda hung out with eachother. it was super laid back and chill..that whole group of people are just so kind and genuine. it's amazing and inspiring to see people show so much love!
after watching bushwalla perform we decided to get check our seats and see what was going on at the stage. k'naan got up and did his thing..which was really good by the way. after that was g love. he was a little slow at first but got the crowd going like crazy later!
then jason came on! he played songs i've never heard him play before...both live and recorded. so that was awesome. he seemed tired but had more energy than the last time i saw him. bushwalla, k'naan, and g love all came up and contributed to jason's music. the collaberation was of course great.
after jason left the stage, of course he came back for an encore. he ended up doing the encore basically in the audience, between rows. it was incredible. the crazy thing about it was when he was walking through the crowd to get to the spot he was singing at, he walked right fucking next to me. i could have touched him! that's how close he was. i wasn't expecting to see him that close. i feel like a huge dork for being this excited about it but this is someone that i look up to and have been inspired by for a long time. i still cant believe he walked right by me! in fact, words cannot explain how i feel about it! i'm still in awe.
he's beautiful inside and out. he makes people think differently, feel differently, and live differently....he inspires people to make changes with themselves and the world. he has a beautiful voice, he can dance, and he seems like a really down to earth person. what more could you possibly need??
all in all, i got a few good pictures/videos, a whole lot of great memories, and the inspiration i have been lacking lately. so thanks to everyone who put on a fantastic show!
all this makes me want to go to san diego even more now. at least to visit...i seriously need to just get a ticket and go out there to enjoy the area!!
while we were watching ben, i saw bushwalla walking around. kinda watching stuff, talkin to people, whatever..kat and tony didn't know who he was but i did! i got too shy to walk up and say anything to him. we did make eye contact a few times and he smiled at me..i'm such a dork! i should have just went up and introduced myself. anyway, he ended up playing a few song with ben, and by himself. the manager from cafe gratitude was also there and sang with bushwalla..she has the most beautiful voice!
everyone just kinda hung out with eachother. it was super laid back and chill..that whole group of people are just so kind and genuine. it's amazing and inspiring to see people show so much love!
after watching bushwalla perform we decided to get check our seats and see what was going on at the stage. k'naan got up and did his thing..which was really good by the way. after that was g love. he was a little slow at first but got the crowd going like crazy later!
then jason came on! he played songs i've never heard him play before...both live and recorded. so that was awesome. he seemed tired but had more energy than the last time i saw him. bushwalla, k'naan, and g love all came up and contributed to jason's music. the collaberation was of course great.
after jason left the stage, of course he came back for an encore. he ended up doing the encore basically in the audience, between rows. it was incredible. the crazy thing about it was when he was walking through the crowd to get to the spot he was singing at, he walked right fucking next to me. i could have touched him! that's how close he was. i wasn't expecting to see him that close. i feel like a huge dork for being this excited about it but this is someone that i look up to and have been inspired by for a long time. i still cant believe he walked right by me! in fact, words cannot explain how i feel about it! i'm still in awe.
he's beautiful inside and out. he makes people think differently, feel differently, and live differently....he inspires people to make changes with themselves and the world. he has a beautiful voice, he can dance, and he seems like a really down to earth person. what more could you possibly need??
all in all, i got a few good pictures/videos, a whole lot of great memories, and the inspiration i have been lacking lately. so thanks to everyone who put on a fantastic show!
all this makes me want to go to san diego even more now. at least to visit...i seriously need to just get a ticket and go out there to enjoy the area!!
8.14.2009
8.07.2009
almost time to breathe...
been crazy busy. works been awesome. me and tony have been good. had lots of time with friends and hangin out and actually enjoying the summer!
came home to this last nite:
fuck yeah!
came home to this last nite:
fuck yeah!
7.28.2009
7.27.2009
movies
we went to the movies a couple times this weekend. we have turned friday night into our date nite. i figured i have other nights where i hang out with certain people, so friday would be me and tony's day!
anyway, we went to see Up in 3-d. it was realllllyy cute. but i gotta say, i cried throughout the entire damn movie! i guess i just wasn't expecting the storyline. probably because i had never seen previews for it? but it was sweet and cute and i really liked it.
and last night we went to see 500 Days of Summer. i've heard really bad reviews but i really thought it looked cute and i love zooey deschanel. anyway, i loved it. i thought it was cute as hell. they put it together nicely and i liked the storyline (even though it didn't end up they way you thought it would). i could watch it over and over. i also cried during it...maybe i'm just emotional lately? i also fell in love with joseph gordon-levitt...i thought he did a great job in this movie. i really haven't seen him in anything but 3rd rock and 10 things i hate about you. but i really liked him in 500! he also showed off his singing/dancing skills. all in all, a good movie, and i loved it.
and now it's a beautiful day outside and i have to work. we haven't had many good days this year, and i swear they are always on work days! :(
anyway, we went to see Up in 3-d. it was realllllyy cute. but i gotta say, i cried throughout the entire damn movie! i guess i just wasn't expecting the storyline. probably because i had never seen previews for it? but it was sweet and cute and i really liked it.
and last night we went to see 500 Days of Summer. i've heard really bad reviews but i really thought it looked cute and i love zooey deschanel. anyway, i loved it. i thought it was cute as hell. they put it together nicely and i liked the storyline (even though it didn't end up they way you thought it would). i could watch it over and over. i also cried during it...maybe i'm just emotional lately? i also fell in love with joseph gordon-levitt...i thought he did a great job in this movie. i really haven't seen him in anything but 3rd rock and 10 things i hate about you. but i really liked him in 500! he also showed off his singing/dancing skills. all in all, a good movie, and i loved it.
and now it's a beautiful day outside and i have to work. we haven't had many good days this year, and i swear they are always on work days! :(
7.24.2009
not the best quality...these are pictures of photos cuz i dont have a scanner
for the life of me i could not figure out what this photo was of (i think tony took it). finally i realized that it is the inside of a car...and the nekkid lady body is the stick shift. hah!
7.22.2009
i miss my family
after talking with my sister in law last week, i decided to go down to visit my family. i left monday after work. got to kazoo around 11pm. jen and i went to the local bar and got a few beers, talked, played those bar games, and played some pool. we had a lot of fun and it was good to just spend some time with her. we haven't hung out like that since high school!
tuesday we went shopping. got lunch, met up with my mom, etc. in case you wanted to know, this is what i look like with long hair:
creepy!
after shopping i went to go see my gpa. he just got out of the hospital and moved to a new nursing home. he slept a lot while i was there...he honestly didn't look good. then again he also has pnemonia now. he's lost a lot of weight. his limbs are like sticks and his ribs sick out about four inches. his skin is loose and bruised. it was very hard to see him like that.
after that i went to watch caleb at his tae kwon do class. he's so cute it's sick! there was another boy his age and they got to spar. caleb kept saying how he was the strongest person ever! and "feel my muscles" hahah. it was adorable.
then we just went back to moms and we had dinner and hung out for a bit before i went home.
i miss the kids already. they're so much fun to play with. i wish i had more time to see them and hang out with them.
she looks exactly like me when i was little except with dark hair. she found a picture of me and my brothers and she points me out and says it's her, and points shawn out and says it's caleb. it's totally weird.
cuties!!
tuesday we went shopping. got lunch, met up with my mom, etc. in case you wanted to know, this is what i look like with long hair:
creepy!
after shopping i went to go see my gpa. he just got out of the hospital and moved to a new nursing home. he slept a lot while i was there...he honestly didn't look good. then again he also has pnemonia now. he's lost a lot of weight. his limbs are like sticks and his ribs sick out about four inches. his skin is loose and bruised. it was very hard to see him like that.
after that i went to watch caleb at his tae kwon do class. he's so cute it's sick! there was another boy his age and they got to spar. caleb kept saying how he was the strongest person ever! and "feel my muscles" hahah. it was adorable.
then we just went back to moms and we had dinner and hung out for a bit before i went home.
i miss the kids already. they're so much fun to play with. i wish i had more time to see them and hang out with them.
she looks exactly like me when i was little except with dark hair. she found a picture of me and my brothers and she points me out and says it's her, and points shawn out and says it's caleb. it's totally weird.
cuties!!
7.18.2009
POLL
i need help with a decision:
sunny day reunion tour
or
weekend vacation to ocean city maryland for a car show
I CAN'T DECIDE!
sunny day reunion tour
or
weekend vacation to ocean city maryland for a car show
I CAN'T DECIDE!
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