and hold it!!!
WOO! what a great feeling!!
10.09.2009
wow
pretty much everything sucks today.
i try very hard to stay positive and optimistic and happy. most days are easy. some are harder than others. today it's impossible.
no matter how hard i've tried things are just not going my way.
and yes, i do know that other people have it worse than i do. don't think that i don't know this.
but i did not need to deal with a certain assistant giving me shit two days in a row, when she should have just been doing her job. i did not need to deal with a certain coworker giving me A RIDICULOUS amount of shit because i called in sick wednesday. i didn't have to deal with the same person trying to talk me out of cutting or coloring my hair. (for the record, i do not understand why everyone at work seems to think i care what they think i should do with my hair. everyone has insisted on arguing with me lately (at work). i did not need to deal with a douchebag asshole at the bar talking shit about me because he is an insecure slut. i shouldn't have to deal with my finally nice looking skin breaking out (when i'm almost 30, ahem). and i definitely didn't need to deal with frogwaard dying. tony is going to be so upset. and i am not looking forward to being the one to break the news.
i just want today to be over with. i'm sick of crying, really.
i try very hard to stay positive and optimistic and happy. most days are easy. some are harder than others. today it's impossible.
no matter how hard i've tried things are just not going my way.
and yes, i do know that other people have it worse than i do. don't think that i don't know this.
but i did not need to deal with a certain assistant giving me shit two days in a row, when she should have just been doing her job. i did not need to deal with a certain coworker giving me A RIDICULOUS amount of shit because i called in sick wednesday. i didn't have to deal with the same person trying to talk me out of cutting or coloring my hair. (for the record, i do not understand why everyone at work seems to think i care what they think i should do with my hair. everyone has insisted on arguing with me lately (at work). i did not need to deal with a douchebag asshole at the bar talking shit about me because he is an insecure slut. i shouldn't have to deal with my finally nice looking skin breaking out (when i'm almost 30, ahem). and i definitely didn't need to deal with frogwaard dying. tony is going to be so upset. and i am not looking forward to being the one to break the news.
i just want today to be over with. i'm sick of crying, really.
birthday jitters
two weeks from today and i turn 30.
up until today i was excited for this.
today i want to go back in time.
everything changes when you get older. maybe i'm just not ready.
i can't really describe it. i just...don't like it.
up until today i was excited for this.
today i want to go back in time.
everything changes when you get older. maybe i'm just not ready.
i can't really describe it. i just...don't like it.
10.06.2009
10.04.2009
starting a new blog
please check out my new photo blog! i've been inspired and i hope maybe i can inspire someone else too!
365 days of grateful
365 days of grateful
10.03.2009
10.02.2009
working out
a few months ago i decided i wanted to start working out. i told myself to start out with three times a week and work it up until five times a week. basically, i ended up unmotivated and working out very little. life would happen, and then i'd slack and have a hard time getting back into it.
on september 22nd i woke up with that feeling again that i needed to be working out. it'd been close to a month since i'd done anything physical and i was feeling like a slob. along with my new diet i thought it only made sense to really change my perspective on things. so i decided that i would really push myself and work out again. starting september 23rd i would work out every day until october 23rd, my 30th birthday. i know once you get to a certain age it really becomes hard to get yourself into shape. and i'm happy with my body and would like to maintain (if not tone up a bit more) what i have.
so i started it. i've been doing a combination of yoga and kickboxing for the past nine days straight. i have not missed a single day, and i am so proud of myself for sticking with this!
besides that, the main reason i'm writing this, is because i have reached the next level in my routine. today as i worked out, i noticed i am SO much closer to doing a certain yoga pose that i have never been able to master. i have much more balance. my flexibility is better. while sitting on the floor with my legs stretched out in front of me, i could grab my ankles and stay in that position! (sadly, i cannot sit like that and touch my toes for longer than 2 seconds. BUT I WILL BE ABLE TO SOON!) i have more energy and stamina. and hell, i'm a lot happier!
i am thrilled with the results and motivated to continue this. after today's session, i know that i am headed in the right direction. and i am also happy that me working out is not driven by the desire to look better, but simply the desire to feel better.
namaste!
on september 22nd i woke up with that feeling again that i needed to be working out. it'd been close to a month since i'd done anything physical and i was feeling like a slob. along with my new diet i thought it only made sense to really change my perspective on things. so i decided that i would really push myself and work out again. starting september 23rd i would work out every day until october 23rd, my 30th birthday. i know once you get to a certain age it really becomes hard to get yourself into shape. and i'm happy with my body and would like to maintain (if not tone up a bit more) what i have.
so i started it. i've been doing a combination of yoga and kickboxing for the past nine days straight. i have not missed a single day, and i am so proud of myself for sticking with this!
besides that, the main reason i'm writing this, is because i have reached the next level in my routine. today as i worked out, i noticed i am SO much closer to doing a certain yoga pose that i have never been able to master. i have much more balance. my flexibility is better. while sitting on the floor with my legs stretched out in front of me, i could grab my ankles and stay in that position! (sadly, i cannot sit like that and touch my toes for longer than 2 seconds. BUT I WILL BE ABLE TO SOON!) i have more energy and stamina. and hell, i'm a lot happier!
i am thrilled with the results and motivated to continue this. after today's session, i know that i am headed in the right direction. and i am also happy that me working out is not driven by the desire to look better, but simply the desire to feel better.
namaste!
9.28.2009
sdre
sunny day was friday. it was phenomenal. i haven't seen them play in close to ten years (this was their reunion tour) and they sounded better than then did back then. it was sooo good. and the guitar player was so stoked to be there which made it that much better. there were a lot of people there...but the four guys that stood in front of us were the best. those dudes were so fucking excited! you could tell they'd been bros for a long ass time..they were singing and swaying and rockin out the entire show! they were so happy and it made my experience better because of it. i am SO glad we were able to get tickets to see them!
so we were supposed to drive to maryland for the weekend for a car show. things kept getting all screwed up. decided a month ago to stay in tony's grandpa's cabin in the u.p. found out a week ago that there was no electricity or anything. and that it was gonna rain all weekend. so we decided not to go. THEN we were gonna go back to maryland. late friday nite we found out our friends only had the beach house for fri and sat nite so by the time we would have got there we would have only had one nite there and it wasn't worth the drive. instead we ended up driving to my parents house saturday afternoon. it was my dad's bday thursday and mom's was sunday. so it was a nice surprise for them! saturday nite me, tony, shawn, jen, and dad all went to the local bar. we did lots of drinking and talking and bonding. it was a good time for sure. sunday we got up and drove to st. joe after a big lunch and hung out at the beach. it was sooo good to be back near some water. just listening to real waves and having my feet in the sand and sun on my face brought my mind back to florida earlier this year. how important that trip was to me. how much i learned about myself and how good it was to experience everything that i felt there. how i miss adam and wish we still lived near each other. how i need to have getaways like that more often. how i'm really not looking forward to this michigan winter!
we got back home this afternoon. got things done around the house. i'm sleepy and hans is over. one more day off before i have to get back to work. lets just hope for the best when i go back...
so we were supposed to drive to maryland for the weekend for a car show. things kept getting all screwed up. decided a month ago to stay in tony's grandpa's cabin in the u.p. found out a week ago that there was no electricity or anything. and that it was gonna rain all weekend. so we decided not to go. THEN we were gonna go back to maryland. late friday nite we found out our friends only had the beach house for fri and sat nite so by the time we would have got there we would have only had one nite there and it wasn't worth the drive. instead we ended up driving to my parents house saturday afternoon. it was my dad's bday thursday and mom's was sunday. so it was a nice surprise for them! saturday nite me, tony, shawn, jen, and dad all went to the local bar. we did lots of drinking and talking and bonding. it was a good time for sure. sunday we got up and drove to st. joe after a big lunch and hung out at the beach. it was sooo good to be back near some water. just listening to real waves and having my feet in the sand and sun on my face brought my mind back to florida earlier this year. how important that trip was to me. how much i learned about myself and how good it was to experience everything that i felt there. how i miss adam and wish we still lived near each other. how i need to have getaways like that more often. how i'm really not looking forward to this michigan winter!
we got back home this afternoon. got things done around the house. i'm sleepy and hans is over. one more day off before i have to get back to work. lets just hope for the best when i go back...
9.22.2009
RIP tare panda
i had to put tare panda to sleep today. late last week she developed a tumor on/in her eye. it's been getting worse and worse and she's blind out of that eye and she's constantly fucking with it. it looks so painful so i thought this would be the right thing to do.
i cried twice yesterday just thinking about it. i thought i had all my tears out. ohhh no no...i didn't. i fought back tears all the way up to the door, and then on the way out the door i was thanking the girls for being so nice and started sobbing.
so i would like to thank the two nice gentlemen that carried tare panda's home to the door for me. they very easily could have just pointed to where i was supposed to go. instead they held doors open for me and apologized for my sick hamster. and thank you to the two nice girls that had to do the awful deed of actually putting her down. what a shit job! i mean, someone's got to do it..i'm just glad it's not me.
last nite i changed her bedding one last time. gave her fresh water. and picked out all sunflower seeds to put them in her bowl (those were her favorite).
two deaths in two weeks. actually, my gpa died exactly two weeks ago today. :(
i cried twice yesterday just thinking about it. i thought i had all my tears out. ohhh no no...i didn't. i fought back tears all the way up to the door, and then on the way out the door i was thanking the girls for being so nice and started sobbing.
so i would like to thank the two nice gentlemen that carried tare panda's home to the door for me. they very easily could have just pointed to where i was supposed to go. instead they held doors open for me and apologized for my sick hamster. and thank you to the two nice girls that had to do the awful deed of actually putting her down. what a shit job! i mean, someone's got to do it..i'm just glad it's not me.
last nite i changed her bedding one last time. gave her fresh water. and picked out all sunflower seeds to put them in her bowl (those were her favorite).
two deaths in two weeks. actually, my gpa died exactly two weeks ago today. :(
9.21.2009
happy peace day!
i took this from a blog that i read on a regular basis called superforest. i just really liked it and think it's important to do! not just on peace day, but every day!
Happy Peace Day, SuperForest!
Today is Peace Day and let’s celebrate it by being peaceful. Smile at your fellow diamonds. Sparkle at them and enjoy their return sparkle. Say nice things to your fellow humans just to see their faces light up. Hold the door for each other, and email everyone you love to tell them they are great.
Perhaps today is the day that you pick one person that you’ve quarreled with, or one person that you feel has wronged you, and you call them up, or email them, and you say: “Hey (their name), I know we’ve (insert verb), but I just wanted to say: Happy Peace Day, and I love you.”
That will make you feel great inside.
You are great.
Happy Peace Day!
-Jackson
Happy Peace Day, SuperForest!
Today is Peace Day and let’s celebrate it by being peaceful. Smile at your fellow diamonds. Sparkle at them and enjoy their return sparkle. Say nice things to your fellow humans just to see their faces light up. Hold the door for each other, and email everyone you love to tell them they are great.
Perhaps today is the day that you pick one person that you’ve quarreled with, or one person that you feel has wronged you, and you call them up, or email them, and you say: “Hey (their name), I know we’ve (insert verb), but I just wanted to say: Happy Peace Day, and I love you.”
That will make you feel great inside.
You are great.
Happy Peace Day!
-Jackson
9.15.2009
mc reg
got back from the regina spektor show a little bit ago.
she's so cute. she has a sweet, tiny voice, but it is also so strong. and the things that come out of her mouth!!!!
when she played laughing with i started crying and couldn't stop.
that was the first song i heard right after i found out my grandpa died.
she's so cute. she has a sweet, tiny voice, but it is also so strong. and the things that come out of her mouth!!!!
when she played laughing with i started crying and couldn't stop.
that was the first song i heard right after i found out my grandpa died.
9.14.2009
today was my first day back after almost a week
tony took a half day thursday and we drove down to kzoo. on the way there my mom called and told me to go straight to grams house. everyone seemed to be in decent spirits so that was good. gram started to get a little teary when we all went to leave, so that was hard.
friday was the visitation. A LOT of people came so that was awesome. i thought i was feeling ok until i walked in the door and saw this photo slide show they had playing. i just broke down. but whoever put the slide show together did an amazing job. everything was so nice. people sat around telling stories. but it was also really sad, obviously. my grandma would not leave my grandpa's side. it was heart-breaking. she just kept talking to him and touching his face and holding his hand. she'd have little break downs and start crying. it was awful to watch. they were married for 61 years...can you imagine being with someone EVERY DAY for 61 years and then all of a sudden waking up and being alone?
anyway, it was really nice that so many people came. people that i haven't seen in a really long time. all coming to support my family. it really meant a lot.
the visitation was three hours long (the first hour was just family). it felt like it lasted for days. it was very emotionally and physically exhausting.
i had a hard time sleeping that night. saturday there was an hour long visitation before the funeral service. during the visitation i finally had enough balls to go up to my grandpa. i wasn't able to do so before that. the actual funeral was really beautiful. the minister was a friend of my moms and he did such a wonderful job. he made it very personal and said very nice things about my grampie. he picked out really nice verses and other things to read. he really did a great job. my uncle got up and said some things. and then after that my brother did, which was a shock. i cried the entire time. when it was time to walk out and say last goodbyes i walked up to my grandpa for the last time. i was already crying when i walked up, but as soon as i got to him i started sobbing and crying uncontrollably. literally on the verge of an anxiety attack.
it's been very hard but i do realize that he isn't in pain anymore. that he is better off wherever he is. and i miss him like crazy.
friday was the visitation. A LOT of people came so that was awesome. i thought i was feeling ok until i walked in the door and saw this photo slide show they had playing. i just broke down. but whoever put the slide show together did an amazing job. everything was so nice. people sat around telling stories. but it was also really sad, obviously. my grandma would not leave my grandpa's side. it was heart-breaking. she just kept talking to him and touching his face and holding his hand. she'd have little break downs and start crying. it was awful to watch. they were married for 61 years...can you imagine being with someone EVERY DAY for 61 years and then all of a sudden waking up and being alone?
anyway, it was really nice that so many people came. people that i haven't seen in a really long time. all coming to support my family. it really meant a lot.
the visitation was three hours long (the first hour was just family). it felt like it lasted for days. it was very emotionally and physically exhausting.
i had a hard time sleeping that night. saturday there was an hour long visitation before the funeral service. during the visitation i finally had enough balls to go up to my grandpa. i wasn't able to do so before that. the actual funeral was really beautiful. the minister was a friend of my moms and he did such a wonderful job. he made it very personal and said very nice things about my grampie. he picked out really nice verses and other things to read. he really did a great job. my uncle got up and said some things. and then after that my brother did, which was a shock. i cried the entire time. when it was time to walk out and say last goodbyes i walked up to my grandpa for the last time. i was already crying when i walked up, but as soon as i got to him i started sobbing and crying uncontrollably. literally on the verge of an anxiety attack.
it's been very hard but i do realize that he isn't in pain anymore. that he is better off wherever he is. and i miss him like crazy.
9.08.2009
well.
i was having a pretty decent day today. i cleaned up the house, did some laundry, relaxed a bit...decided to head to target to wander the isles and pick up a few things i needed. got some good finds: lots of socks on clearance, some black lace tights, cute ass jeans and a pink paul frank hoodie for my niece. while i was wandering the shoe isle, i got a phone call from my dad: "grandpa died".
the only thing that came out of my mouth was "what?" and then my eyes flooded with tears. it's a little awkward crying in the shoe isle at target. and not one person looked up at me.
it's 11pm. i'm not the slightest bit tired. i wish i could get some sleep. i have decided to go to work tomorrow for a few hours, just to get out of the house. same thing for thursday (unless i have to be in kzoo earlier). no clue when the funeral is yet.
i have so many thoughts going through my head right now. i wish i could put my mind to rest. i wish there was something i could do. i wish for strength for my grandma right now. can you imagine being with someone for 50+ years and then all of a sudden not having them around?
the only thing that came out of my mouth was "what?" and then my eyes flooded with tears. it's a little awkward crying in the shoe isle at target. and not one person looked up at me.
it's 11pm. i'm not the slightest bit tired. i wish i could get some sleep. i have decided to go to work tomorrow for a few hours, just to get out of the house. same thing for thursday (unless i have to be in kzoo earlier). no clue when the funeral is yet.
i have so many thoughts going through my head right now. i wish i could put my mind to rest. i wish there was something i could do. i wish for strength for my grandma right now. can you imagine being with someone for 50+ years and then all of a sudden not having them around?
8.31.2009
how is it almost september already?
this year has been flying by.
it's been cold here. this week it's supposed to be in the mid/high 70s and sunny. i'll keep my fingers crossed. i wish it would just hit 80. this has been the shortest, worst summer.
this morning i was getting ready for work and i heard a whack on the window in the kitchen. sounded like a bird just flew into it and crashed. i went to go check it out and there was a huge squirrel sitting on the window sill. lookin in side, checkin everything out. then he started tapping on the glass. it was crazy. i've never seen anything like that in person. maybe he's trying to tell me something?
a month and a half till i turn 30. . .
it's been cold here. this week it's supposed to be in the mid/high 70s and sunny. i'll keep my fingers crossed. i wish it would just hit 80. this has been the shortest, worst summer.
this morning i was getting ready for work and i heard a whack on the window in the kitchen. sounded like a bird just flew into it and crashed. i went to go check it out and there was a huge squirrel sitting on the window sill. lookin in side, checkin everything out. then he started tapping on the glass. it was crazy. i've never seen anything like that in person. maybe he's trying to tell me something?
a month and a half till i turn 30. . .
8.28.2009
the state
i was wandering around target waiting for a text back from tony regarding a birthday present for someone. it was taking a bit longer than i expected. i decided to check out the movie section and look what i found!
i'm so stoked on this! cant wait to watch it! the state was one of my favorite shows back in the day. they don't make comedy like this anymore!
i'm also trying to get tony to take me to blue nile tonight for our date night. i hope we go because i am craving all-you-can-eat ethiopian food!
i'm so stoked on this! cant wait to watch it! the state was one of my favorite shows back in the day. they don't make comedy like this anymore!
i'm also trying to get tony to take me to blue nile tonight for our date night. i hope we go because i am craving all-you-can-eat ethiopian food!
8.26.2009
another one
had a dream last night about meeting jason mraz. shit is gettin old! i wish it would just happen already, hah. although i really dont even know what i would say.
i think summer here is officially over. we had two weeks of beautiful sunny weather, and now we're getting back into the 70s with rain. i believe next week its supposed to be in the 60s. i hate michigan.
my gpa has pneumonia again. they are meeting today to decide if they are putting him in a hospice. which, you know what that means...
tony woke up in a horrible mood this morning, and unfortunately it rubbed off on me. i got up too early and couldn't go back to bed. and now i see that it's raining out i just dont want to go to work.
i ordered some superfoods the other day and i am anxiously awaiting their arrival. i want to try them out so bad. i'm hoping this will give me the energy i've been lacking so much lately.
wish me luck,
l
i think summer here is officially over. we had two weeks of beautiful sunny weather, and now we're getting back into the 70s with rain. i believe next week its supposed to be in the 60s. i hate michigan.
my gpa has pneumonia again. they are meeting today to decide if they are putting him in a hospice. which, you know what that means...
tony woke up in a horrible mood this morning, and unfortunately it rubbed off on me. i got up too early and couldn't go back to bed. and now i see that it's raining out i just dont want to go to work.
i ordered some superfoods the other day and i am anxiously awaiting their arrival. i want to try them out so bad. i'm hoping this will give me the energy i've been lacking so much lately.
wish me luck,
l
8.15.2009
jason mraz
the show last night was incredible. we got there a little early, which ended up being a fantastic idea, because they had booths and stuff set up like a mini festival. kat and i got shirts, and we walked around for a bit. there was a guy sitting under a tent singing and playing guitar. he was really really talented and interesting. kat ended up getting his cd (his name is ben howard). had a very cool sound/voice and did interesting things with his guitar.
while we were watching ben, i saw bushwalla walking around. kinda watching stuff, talkin to people, whatever..kat and tony didn't know who he was but i did! i got too shy to walk up and say anything to him. we did make eye contact a few times and he smiled at me..i'm such a dork! i should have just went up and introduced myself. anyway, he ended up playing a few song with ben, and by himself. the manager from cafe gratitude was also there and sang with bushwalla..she has the most beautiful voice!
everyone just kinda hung out with eachother. it was super laid back and chill..that whole group of people are just so kind and genuine. it's amazing and inspiring to see people show so much love!
after watching bushwalla perform we decided to get check our seats and see what was going on at the stage. k'naan got up and did his thing..which was really good by the way. after that was g love. he was a little slow at first but got the crowd going like crazy later!
then jason came on! he played songs i've never heard him play before...both live and recorded. so that was awesome. he seemed tired but had more energy than the last time i saw him. bushwalla, k'naan, and g love all came up and contributed to jason's music. the collaberation was of course great.
after jason left the stage, of course he came back for an encore. he ended up doing the encore basically in the audience, between rows. it was incredible. the crazy thing about it was when he was walking through the crowd to get to the spot he was singing at, he walked right fucking next to me. i could have touched him! that's how close he was. i wasn't expecting to see him that close. i feel like a huge dork for being this excited about it but this is someone that i look up to and have been inspired by for a long time. i still cant believe he walked right by me! in fact, words cannot explain how i feel about it! i'm still in awe.
he's beautiful inside and out. he makes people think differently, feel differently, and live differently....he inspires people to make changes with themselves and the world. he has a beautiful voice, he can dance, and he seems like a really down to earth person. what more could you possibly need??
all in all, i got a few good pictures/videos, a whole lot of great memories, and the inspiration i have been lacking lately. so thanks to everyone who put on a fantastic show!
all this makes me want to go to san diego even more now. at least to visit...i seriously need to just get a ticket and go out there to enjoy the area!!
while we were watching ben, i saw bushwalla walking around. kinda watching stuff, talkin to people, whatever..kat and tony didn't know who he was but i did! i got too shy to walk up and say anything to him. we did make eye contact a few times and he smiled at me..i'm such a dork! i should have just went up and introduced myself. anyway, he ended up playing a few song with ben, and by himself. the manager from cafe gratitude was also there and sang with bushwalla..she has the most beautiful voice!
everyone just kinda hung out with eachother. it was super laid back and chill..that whole group of people are just so kind and genuine. it's amazing and inspiring to see people show so much love!
after watching bushwalla perform we decided to get check our seats and see what was going on at the stage. k'naan got up and did his thing..which was really good by the way. after that was g love. he was a little slow at first but got the crowd going like crazy later!
then jason came on! he played songs i've never heard him play before...both live and recorded. so that was awesome. he seemed tired but had more energy than the last time i saw him. bushwalla, k'naan, and g love all came up and contributed to jason's music. the collaberation was of course great.
after jason left the stage, of course he came back for an encore. he ended up doing the encore basically in the audience, between rows. it was incredible. the crazy thing about it was when he was walking through the crowd to get to the spot he was singing at, he walked right fucking next to me. i could have touched him! that's how close he was. i wasn't expecting to see him that close. i feel like a huge dork for being this excited about it but this is someone that i look up to and have been inspired by for a long time. i still cant believe he walked right by me! in fact, words cannot explain how i feel about it! i'm still in awe.
he's beautiful inside and out. he makes people think differently, feel differently, and live differently....he inspires people to make changes with themselves and the world. he has a beautiful voice, he can dance, and he seems like a really down to earth person. what more could you possibly need??
all in all, i got a few good pictures/videos, a whole lot of great memories, and the inspiration i have been lacking lately. so thanks to everyone who put on a fantastic show!
all this makes me want to go to san diego even more now. at least to visit...i seriously need to just get a ticket and go out there to enjoy the area!!
8.14.2009
8.07.2009
almost time to breathe...
been crazy busy. works been awesome. me and tony have been good. had lots of time with friends and hangin out and actually enjoying the summer!
came home to this last nite:
fuck yeah!
came home to this last nite:
fuck yeah!
7.28.2009
7.27.2009
movies
we went to the movies a couple times this weekend. we have turned friday night into our date nite. i figured i have other nights where i hang out with certain people, so friday would be me and tony's day!
anyway, we went to see Up in 3-d. it was realllllyy cute. but i gotta say, i cried throughout the entire damn movie! i guess i just wasn't expecting the storyline. probably because i had never seen previews for it? but it was sweet and cute and i really liked it.
and last night we went to see 500 Days of Summer. i've heard really bad reviews but i really thought it looked cute and i love zooey deschanel. anyway, i loved it. i thought it was cute as hell. they put it together nicely and i liked the storyline (even though it didn't end up they way you thought it would). i could watch it over and over. i also cried during it...maybe i'm just emotional lately? i also fell in love with joseph gordon-levitt...i thought he did a great job in this movie. i really haven't seen him in anything but 3rd rock and 10 things i hate about you. but i really liked him in 500! he also showed off his singing/dancing skills. all in all, a good movie, and i loved it.
and now it's a beautiful day outside and i have to work. we haven't had many good days this year, and i swear they are always on work days! :(
anyway, we went to see Up in 3-d. it was realllllyy cute. but i gotta say, i cried throughout the entire damn movie! i guess i just wasn't expecting the storyline. probably because i had never seen previews for it? but it was sweet and cute and i really liked it.
and last night we went to see 500 Days of Summer. i've heard really bad reviews but i really thought it looked cute and i love zooey deschanel. anyway, i loved it. i thought it was cute as hell. they put it together nicely and i liked the storyline (even though it didn't end up they way you thought it would). i could watch it over and over. i also cried during it...maybe i'm just emotional lately? i also fell in love with joseph gordon-levitt...i thought he did a great job in this movie. i really haven't seen him in anything but 3rd rock and 10 things i hate about you. but i really liked him in 500! he also showed off his singing/dancing skills. all in all, a good movie, and i loved it.
and now it's a beautiful day outside and i have to work. we haven't had many good days this year, and i swear they are always on work days! :(
7.24.2009
not the best quality...these are pictures of photos cuz i dont have a scanner
for the life of me i could not figure out what this photo was of (i think tony took it). finally i realized that it is the inside of a car...and the nekkid lady body is the stick shift. hah!
7.22.2009
i miss my family
after talking with my sister in law last week, i decided to go down to visit my family. i left monday after work. got to kazoo around 11pm. jen and i went to the local bar and got a few beers, talked, played those bar games, and played some pool. we had a lot of fun and it was good to just spend some time with her. we haven't hung out like that since high school!
tuesday we went shopping. got lunch, met up with my mom, etc. in case you wanted to know, this is what i look like with long hair:
creepy!
after shopping i went to go see my gpa. he just got out of the hospital and moved to a new nursing home. he slept a lot while i was there...he honestly didn't look good. then again he also has pnemonia now. he's lost a lot of weight. his limbs are like sticks and his ribs sick out about four inches. his skin is loose and bruised. it was very hard to see him like that.
after that i went to watch caleb at his tae kwon do class. he's so cute it's sick! there was another boy his age and they got to spar. caleb kept saying how he was the strongest person ever! and "feel my muscles" hahah. it was adorable.
then we just went back to moms and we had dinner and hung out for a bit before i went home.
i miss the kids already. they're so much fun to play with. i wish i had more time to see them and hang out with them.
she looks exactly like me when i was little except with dark hair. she found a picture of me and my brothers and she points me out and says it's her, and points shawn out and says it's caleb. it's totally weird.
cuties!!
tuesday we went shopping. got lunch, met up with my mom, etc. in case you wanted to know, this is what i look like with long hair:
creepy!
after shopping i went to go see my gpa. he just got out of the hospital and moved to a new nursing home. he slept a lot while i was there...he honestly didn't look good. then again he also has pnemonia now. he's lost a lot of weight. his limbs are like sticks and his ribs sick out about four inches. his skin is loose and bruised. it was very hard to see him like that.
after that i went to watch caleb at his tae kwon do class. he's so cute it's sick! there was another boy his age and they got to spar. caleb kept saying how he was the strongest person ever! and "feel my muscles" hahah. it was adorable.
then we just went back to moms and we had dinner and hung out for a bit before i went home.
i miss the kids already. they're so much fun to play with. i wish i had more time to see them and hang out with them.
she looks exactly like me when i was little except with dark hair. she found a picture of me and my brothers and she points me out and says it's her, and points shawn out and says it's caleb. it's totally weird.
cuties!!
7.18.2009
POLL
i need help with a decision:
sunny day reunion tour
or
weekend vacation to ocean city maryland for a car show
I CAN'T DECIDE!
sunny day reunion tour
or
weekend vacation to ocean city maryland for a car show
I CAN'T DECIDE!
7.17.2009
i love me a good picnic
and i've been on several lately.
i also love me a salad with avocado. mmmmmmmm
there was a petting zoo at an art fair we had a picnic at. this is a baby alpaca. i want him. he was sooo sweet and funny and adorable.
we also went to northville to have a picnic with red pepper deli. so good. got nori rolls and collard rolls. i wish they had more things on the menu. or maybe they need to open more raw food restaurants in the area!
why can't i be young again OR why does getting older change things?
what is it about getting older that changes things?
do you remember when you were 12? when you had a best friend? how did you share things with that person? what did you do with them? how did you act around them? didn't you know every detail about their life, good and bad? didn't you love them no matter what because they were your best friend? you talked to them constantly. you cried with them, laughed with them, had fun and got mad at them? but everything always worked out.
i have a "best friend". we work together a couple times a week. we go out to the bar once a week. and we occasionally text each other. we have no idea what each other does throughout the week (for the most part).
i have other "best friends". people that i'm really close to. people that i connect with, that i feel comfortable with. people that i share parts of my life with.
i do not however, have a best friend like i used to have a best friend.
something changed when i got older. people build walls. they dont have time for the little things anymore.
one of my "bffs" pointed out to me recently that people "get busy". lives get in the way of friendships. jobs are demanding. significant others want attention. families grow and change and now your "best friend" has other things to do.
my question is: why does getting older do that to people?
i still very much care about every detail of all of my friends' lives. sometimes i guess i just wish someone would reciprocate...
do you remember when you were 12? when you had a best friend? how did you share things with that person? what did you do with them? how did you act around them? didn't you know every detail about their life, good and bad? didn't you love them no matter what because they were your best friend? you talked to them constantly. you cried with them, laughed with them, had fun and got mad at them? but everything always worked out.
i have a "best friend". we work together a couple times a week. we go out to the bar once a week. and we occasionally text each other. we have no idea what each other does throughout the week (for the most part).
i have other "best friends". people that i'm really close to. people that i connect with, that i feel comfortable with. people that i share parts of my life with.
i do not however, have a best friend like i used to have a best friend.
something changed when i got older. people build walls. they dont have time for the little things anymore.
one of my "bffs" pointed out to me recently that people "get busy". lives get in the way of friendships. jobs are demanding. significant others want attention. families grow and change and now your "best friend" has other things to do.
my question is: why does getting older do that to people?
i still very much care about every detail of all of my friends' lives. sometimes i guess i just wish someone would reciprocate...
7.14.2009
today's note from the universe makes total sense today
Yesterday I watched a small bird, flying very fast, disappear into the canopy of an oak tree. So dense were its leaves that it was impossible to see what happened next, though I can tell you it remained inside.
I wondered how the little bird found its opening through the leaves at such a speed, and then managed to gently align its fragile body on the branch it chose to land upon, all within a fraction of a second. Not to mention the impossible to imagine flying maneuvers required: the banking, the curling, the vertical and horizontal stabilizations, the deceleration and landing.
Memory? Calculation? Not in that tiny brain. Instinct? Maybe, but how does instinct know which way the branches of a tree have grown when no two are the same?
lisa, that little bird just knew. It had faith, in spite of not being able to see how things would work out, that if (and only if) it stayed the course the details would be taken care of; that an opening would appear and a twig would be found. In fact, had she slowed down enough to carefully and logically inspect the tree first, the prudent thing to do, she would have lost her lift and fallen to the ground.
Kind of like reaching for your dreams. Neither memory, nor calculating, nor instincts are the deciding factors, but faith coupled with action.
I wondered how the little bird found its opening through the leaves at such a speed, and then managed to gently align its fragile body on the branch it chose to land upon, all within a fraction of a second. Not to mention the impossible to imagine flying maneuvers required: the banking, the curling, the vertical and horizontal stabilizations, the deceleration and landing.
Memory? Calculation? Not in that tiny brain. Instinct? Maybe, but how does instinct know which way the branches of a tree have grown when no two are the same?
lisa, that little bird just knew. It had faith, in spite of not being able to see how things would work out, that if (and only if) it stayed the course the details would be taken care of; that an opening would appear and a twig would be found. In fact, had she slowed down enough to carefully and logically inspect the tree first, the prudent thing to do, she would have lost her lift and fallen to the ground.
Kind of like reaching for your dreams. Neither memory, nor calculating, nor instincts are the deciding factors, but faith coupled with action.
Tallyho,
The Universe
7.09.2009
7.08.2009
i didn't feel like getting out of bed today...now i know why
got an email from my mom. my gpa has been having problems with his hip still after the surgery. he was admitted to the hospital yesterday. they need to replace the rod in his hip with a longer one. while he was there they did a cat scan. they say his lung cancer has spread to his leg.
i just want him to feel better. i want him to go home. he's depressed from being at the nursing home. it's been hard on him and my gma. she's lost 15 pounds because of the stress. as much as i dont want him to go, i feel like he's ready. just let him go home already! let him rest at home...
i just want him to feel better. i want him to go home. he's depressed from being at the nursing home. it's been hard on him and my gma. she's lost 15 pounds because of the stress. as much as i dont want him to go, i feel like he's ready. just let him go home already! let him rest at home...
this is not typical july weather
i should not be wearing jeans and hoodies in july. i should be wearing sun dresses!
grrr to you, michigan!
grrr to you, michigan!
cotton candy, i miss you!
tiniest horse ever! i named him prince (he looks like the artist formerly know as.....!)
tiniest horse ever! i named him prince (he looks like the artist formerly know as.....!)
7.06.2009
the universe works in mysterious ways. and other updates.
i didn't have to work all weekend. it was nice to have three days off in a row.
i have this friend, brian, who i haven't heard from since late 2007. this is a common thing to happen with us...this talking/not talking. anyway, he was the first person i met that i realized i was soul-connected to. we always had this great bond and connection. i've known him since i was 17 i think. anyway, from 2004 to 2007 we had constant communication. he had a terrible accident and was hit by a semi, leaving him brain damaged (i found out in 2004). from then on i think we realized we'd have to try better to stay in touch...we'd write and call and all that. i witnessed him slow-talking, with no real memory of certain things..growing and changing to the brian that i remember when we first met. he started processing things again, verbalizing better, and remember the little things that people should never be able to forget. 2007 was when i got my last letter from him. he lost his phone, his email, and apparently the ability to write back to me! ;) i still wrote him anyway. updating him on what was going on with me and all. sometime this year i started getting really worried. i felt like something wasn't right and i started looking in the obituary to see if something had happened to him or his parents. i found nothing so i had to assume that everything was ok.
well, on friday i decided to call his old phone number. every time i've called it before there was no one to pick up...no answering machine or voice mail. but i tried again friday and after SEVERAL rings, i was about to hang up when a boy answered the phone. he, of course, told me "wrong number" but i did think it was interesting that after two years of calling the same number sporadically i finally got someone. but that's not the weird part.
i figured after that it was obviously not the correct phone number so i could finally get rid of it and never try again. and that i would try one last letter.
tony and i decided to work on our kitchen this weekend. saturday we started painting and all that, and sometime during the day i get a text message. it's from brian. wishing me a happy 4th.
i dont think i will ever understand all the synchronicitys that happen in life. but i do get that feeling that things are supposed to happen for a certain reason. sometimes i just wish i knew what the purpose was...either way, i'm lucky to have them happen to me!
in other updates, i mentioned that we worked on the kitchen this weekend. well, it's almost done. just a couple little things here and there. i loooove it. i want to spend all my time in there.
before:
after:
i look at it and i cant believe it's finally done. i've wanted to redo the kitchen for a looong time. i'm so glad it turned out so nicely!!
i have this friend, brian, who i haven't heard from since late 2007. this is a common thing to happen with us...this talking/not talking. anyway, he was the first person i met that i realized i was soul-connected to. we always had this great bond and connection. i've known him since i was 17 i think. anyway, from 2004 to 2007 we had constant communication. he had a terrible accident and was hit by a semi, leaving him brain damaged (i found out in 2004). from then on i think we realized we'd have to try better to stay in touch...we'd write and call and all that. i witnessed him slow-talking, with no real memory of certain things..growing and changing to the brian that i remember when we first met. he started processing things again, verbalizing better, and remember the little things that people should never be able to forget. 2007 was when i got my last letter from him. he lost his phone, his email, and apparently the ability to write back to me! ;) i still wrote him anyway. updating him on what was going on with me and all. sometime this year i started getting really worried. i felt like something wasn't right and i started looking in the obituary to see if something had happened to him or his parents. i found nothing so i had to assume that everything was ok.
well, on friday i decided to call his old phone number. every time i've called it before there was no one to pick up...no answering machine or voice mail. but i tried again friday and after SEVERAL rings, i was about to hang up when a boy answered the phone. he, of course, told me "wrong number" but i did think it was interesting that after two years of calling the same number sporadically i finally got someone. but that's not the weird part.
i figured after that it was obviously not the correct phone number so i could finally get rid of it and never try again. and that i would try one last letter.
tony and i decided to work on our kitchen this weekend. saturday we started painting and all that, and sometime during the day i get a text message. it's from brian. wishing me a happy 4th.
i dont think i will ever understand all the synchronicitys that happen in life. but i do get that feeling that things are supposed to happen for a certain reason. sometimes i just wish i knew what the purpose was...either way, i'm lucky to have them happen to me!
in other updates, i mentioned that we worked on the kitchen this weekend. well, it's almost done. just a couple little things here and there. i loooove it. i want to spend all my time in there.
before:
after:
i look at it and i cant believe it's finally done. i've wanted to redo the kitchen for a looong time. i'm so glad it turned out so nicely!!
6.30.2009
hi.
i've been in a crummy mood lately. which is the reason i've been so silent.yesterday was me and tony's anniversary. i had to work till 5 or so, and then we went to seva for a delicious dinner. really low key, but nice. we had a long talk about some things that were really important, and i believe we are moving forward. we spent a good part of today together and we had a lot of fun, even though we were just kind of running errands and stuff.
sunday we went to the livonia fireworks. it was cooler than usual but they were really nice, as always. well, minus the guy yelling "FREEDOM!!!" constantly. hah!
6.26.2009
ugh
i've been really emotional today. one minute i'm fine, the next i'm crying in the corner of the shower. it's very frustrating. i have a lot on my mind. i wish i could just get it all out. maybe i just dont know what i want anymore...
6.21.2009
i hate cell phones/sprint
two weeks. still a broken phone. no one knows what is going on with it. very frustrating.
i'm currently avoiding doing my homework that my therapist gave me. so unmotivated.
i go to 5th ave every thursday nite. have been for over a year. developed some great friendships there. last night was the last time they were opened. it was extremely sad. i dont even want to think about it. so it was an ok night...met some cool people, said "later" to some great people, and tried to be cheery as hard as it was. it was pretty much hard on everyone.
also, while i had kat's camera i found this gem from last month:
i'm currently avoiding doing my homework that my therapist gave me. so unmotivated.
i go to 5th ave every thursday nite. have been for over a year. developed some great friendships there. last night was the last time they were opened. it was extremely sad. i dont even want to think about it. so it was an ok night...met some cool people, said "later" to some great people, and tried to be cheery as hard as it was. it was pretty much hard on everyone.
kat, joey, and me. joey is one of our faves.
also, while i had kat's camera i found this gem from last month:
seriously, how great was my hair?! i gotta say, i do miss it like that. i'm getting bored with what i have now...hmmmmmm. maybe it's time for a change!
6.19.2009
damn it feels good to be a gangsta
i love being able to speak my mind. express my feelings, get things off my chest, etc. i feel like i have my friends back. it was very hard for me to say certain things to certain people, but communication is huge. and thankfully my friends felt comfortable enough to open up to me and communicate their feelings to me.
life is good.
kat and i went out last nite. had an awesome time. met some cool people. she met some guy from the wings that she's in love with and he ended up being super cool. i'm so proud of her that she put her insecurities aside and approached him on her own!! i broke down and had a beer last night too. it was fucking delicious! it's been almost six weeks and i just dont want to live my life depriving myself of things that i enjoy. and i gotta tell ya, my health has not suffered from that one little beer today. so i think i'm good to go!
there are a couple sites that i've really been enjoying lately. one being thoughts become things. the website is based on the premise that "thoughts become things... choose the good ones!" if you sign up for their daily emails, you receive "notes from the universe". they are cute and inspiring and i really love getting them every day.
also, paperbackswap is awesome. i'm addicted. basically, you swap books. i've sent out seven books this week. which means i will get seven credits towards other members books that i will get for free. it's such a great concept and being the avid book-reader that i am, it works perfectly for me. i keep the books i love and want to keep in my collection, and i get rid of the ones that didn't do anything for me. could there be anything better??
loving you more today than yesterday,
lisa
life is good.
kat and i went out last nite. had an awesome time. met some cool people. she met some guy from the wings that she's in love with and he ended up being super cool. i'm so proud of her that she put her insecurities aside and approached him on her own!! i broke down and had a beer last night too. it was fucking delicious! it's been almost six weeks and i just dont want to live my life depriving myself of things that i enjoy. and i gotta tell ya, my health has not suffered from that one little beer today. so i think i'm good to go!
there are a couple sites that i've really been enjoying lately. one being thoughts become things. the website is based on the premise that "thoughts become things... choose the good ones!" if you sign up for their daily emails, you receive "notes from the universe". they are cute and inspiring and i really love getting them every day.
also, paperbackswap is awesome. i'm addicted. basically, you swap books. i've sent out seven books this week. which means i will get seven credits towards other members books that i will get for free. it's such a great concept and being the avid book-reader that i am, it works perfectly for me. i keep the books i love and want to keep in my collection, and i get rid of the ones that didn't do anything for me. could there be anything better??
loving you more today than yesterday,
lisa
6.17.2009
yesterday in photos
i had a long, stressful day. therapy was hard, but helpful. when tony got home we decided to grill. i looove asparagus grilled..yummy.
after dinner i decided we should go teeter tottering. well let me tell you, that was very hard to do since we couldn't find a teeter totter anywhere!! we were on a search for over an hour..trying over ten parks in the area. i couldn't believe that no one has teeter totters in parks or at schools anymore! are they dangerous or something? i dont understand! it was very sad.
because we couldn't find a teeter totter we decided to look into buying a big trampoline. which was just as hard to find as the damn teeter totter! so we went home empty handed. although, while looking for a trampoline at meijer, we did find this gem:
i thought it was hilarious because i have never heard of anything of this nature until a year ago when i was in niagara with my parents. my dad got out of the shower and was blow-drying and i asked my mom what he was drying...because he doesn't have much hair! she told me he was drying his private area so he wouldn't get "the wolf". well, according to this product, it's not called the wolf, it's called monkey butt. awesome.
aww..love on sale
after dinner i decided we should go teeter tottering. well let me tell you, that was very hard to do since we couldn't find a teeter totter anywhere!! we were on a search for over an hour..trying over ten parks in the area. i couldn't believe that no one has teeter totters in parks or at schools anymore! are they dangerous or something? i dont understand! it was very sad.
because we couldn't find a teeter totter we decided to look into buying a big trampoline. which was just as hard to find as the damn teeter totter! so we went home empty handed. although, while looking for a trampoline at meijer, we did find this gem:
i thought it was hilarious because i have never heard of anything of this nature until a year ago when i was in niagara with my parents. my dad got out of the shower and was blow-drying and i asked my mom what he was drying...because he doesn't have much hair! she told me he was drying his private area so he wouldn't get "the wolf". well, according to this product, it's not called the wolf, it's called monkey butt. awesome.
aww..love on sale
6.15.2009
tattoo, frustrations, etc..
i got some more work done on my tattoo yesterday. shit's taking forever. i've already sat for eight hours and it's a little over halfway done. i have another appointment in august, after aaron gets done with tour. he'd like to think it's going to get done in one more sitting but i know it'll be at least two more. just sucks...i hope it's done before the end of the year. i was originally hoping by the end of summer but it looks like that wont happen. i guess thats what happens when your tattooist is in a famous band. hah.
so i've been trying to stay positive. this week has been exceptionally hard to stay focused and grounded. these are just a few things i've had to deal with:
1. grampie is doing real bad. i dont even want to get into it. but he's not good at all. and my fucking grandmother is being a selfish bitch. i wish there was a way for me to make her see that this is not about her. THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU, GRAMS!
2. my brother's gf went to atl this week and we kept her car at our place so she didn't have to pay for airport parking. well, i wont even go into all of the annoyances surrounding that situation, because there really are too many. i'll just say i ended up spending a lot more time with her than i would have liked (because we dont get a long. i do NOT like this person). also, we ended up with a shitty car situation on our way to pick her up from the airport (i.e. some idiot in front of us just bought a big plastic storage garage thingy and did not make sure it was secured in the bed of his truck..wind picked up the top of it and it flew OVER my jeep, landing right in front of my bro's gf's car (that tony was driving) and punctured a hole in the radiator.) Basically, it was a big fucking mess. and we had to deal with it for six fucking hours.)
3. my friends...or should i say "friends"?? i am at a loss for words to describe the hurt and anger i feel towards people that i thought were really close to me. i have literally made my stomach ache from obsessing over what to do about these people. i cry when i think about how things used to be, and i cry more when i think about how things are now. i feel like i am not cared for by people that i care the most about. and that, that is a horrible feeling.
i wish i could ride my scooter today. it's nice out and i'm wasting it being inside sulking. well, not just sulking...i have been super busy doing shit that needed to be done a long time ago.
thank you sunshine, for coming out and sticking around on my gloomy day.
so i've been trying to stay positive. this week has been exceptionally hard to stay focused and grounded. these are just a few things i've had to deal with:
1. grampie is doing real bad. i dont even want to get into it. but he's not good at all. and my fucking grandmother is being a selfish bitch. i wish there was a way for me to make her see that this is not about her. THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU, GRAMS!
2. my brother's gf went to atl this week and we kept her car at our place so she didn't have to pay for airport parking. well, i wont even go into all of the annoyances surrounding that situation, because there really are too many. i'll just say i ended up spending a lot more time with her than i would have liked (because we dont get a long. i do NOT like this person). also, we ended up with a shitty car situation on our way to pick her up from the airport (i.e. some idiot in front of us just bought a big plastic storage garage thingy and did not make sure it was secured in the bed of his truck..wind picked up the top of it and it flew OVER my jeep, landing right in front of my bro's gf's car (that tony was driving) and punctured a hole in the radiator.) Basically, it was a big fucking mess. and we had to deal with it for six fucking hours.)
3. my friends...or should i say "friends"?? i am at a loss for words to describe the hurt and anger i feel towards people that i thought were really close to me. i have literally made my stomach ache from obsessing over what to do about these people. i cry when i think about how things used to be, and i cry more when i think about how things are now. i feel like i am not cared for by people that i care the most about. and that, that is a horrible feeling.
i wish i could ride my scooter today. it's nice out and i'm wasting it being inside sulking. well, not just sulking...i have been super busy doing shit that needed to be done a long time ago.
thank you sunshine, for coming out and sticking around on my gloomy day.
"remember that time when we was walking home from school and we stopped by st. nick park to sit down for a minute and kiss? remember that little white butterfly that came and sat on the back of the bench for a minute, then flew away when i tried to catch it for you? you told me that was the first butterfly you had ever seen in harlem. it was the first one i had ever seen uptown too. i haven't seen one since."
"right now, it looks like the whole sky is filled with white butterflies. i'm standing at 158th and the george washington bridge, right at the walkway looking down at the water. i ripped all the letters you ever sent me up in little pieces, so small that anybody who finds a piece would barely be able to read the words. little by little, i'm letting the wind carry the pieces away. they're flying and dancing and soaring like that butterfly we saw that day. i'm letting you go, i'm finally letting go."
"right now, it looks like the whole sky is filled with white butterflies. i'm standing at 158th and the george washington bridge, right at the walkway looking down at the water. i ripped all the letters you ever sent me up in little pieces, so small that anybody who finds a piece would barely be able to read the words. little by little, i'm letting the wind carry the pieces away. they're flying and dancing and soaring like that butterfly we saw that day. i'm letting you go, i'm finally letting go."
6.12.2009
fucking bullshit
apparently my "best friend" has decided to ditch me for her new drug lifestyle. after two years of being clean she started using again when i was in florida. she's been weird and distant to me. she just pretty much ditched me at the bar to go hang out with her other drug friends. it doesn't help that i cant drink anymore...i guess you have to be drunk when you hang out with your best friend in order to have fun. i'm so pissed off and so hurt right now i dont even know what to do. i cant believe she is acting like this.
it also doesn't help that i am having issues with other "friends" in my life. i just wish people could be fucking real with me. would stop fucking using me. and quit playing games. i am much too old for this.
isn't there anyone genuine out there? maybe someone with their head on straight???
it also doesn't help that i am having issues with other "friends" in my life. i just wish people could be fucking real with me. would stop fucking using me. and quit playing games. i am much too old for this.
isn't there anyone genuine out there? maybe someone with their head on straight???
6.09.2009
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