yesterday in photos

i had a long, stressful day. therapy was hard, but helpful. when tony got home we decided to grill. i looove asparagus grilled..yummy.



after dinner i decided we should go teeter tottering. well let me tell you, that was very hard to do since we couldn't find a teeter totter anywhere!! we were on a search for over an hour..trying over ten parks in the area. i couldn't believe that no one has teeter totters in parks or at schools anymore! are they dangerous or something? i dont understand! it was very sad.

because we couldn't find a teeter totter we decided to look into buying a big trampoline. which was just as hard to find as the damn teeter totter! so we went home empty handed. although, while looking for a trampoline at meijer, we did find this gem:



i thought it was hilarious because i have never heard of anything of this nature until a year ago when i was in niagara with my parents. my dad got out of the shower and was blow-drying and i asked my mom what he was drying...because he doesn't have much hair! she told me he was drying his private area so he wouldn't get "the wolf". well, according to this product, it's not called the wolf, it's called monkey butt. awesome.

aww..love on sale

tattoo, frustrations, etc..

i got some more work done on my tattoo yesterday. shit's taking forever. i've already sat for eight hours and it's a little over halfway done. i have another appointment in august, after aaron gets done with tour. he'd like to think it's going to get done in one more sitting but i know it'll be at least two more. just sucks...i hope it's done before the end of the year. i was originally hoping by the end of summer but it looks like that wont happen. i guess thats what happens when your tattooist is in a famous band. hah.

so i've been trying to stay positive. this week has been exceptionally hard to stay focused and grounded. these are just a few things i've had to deal with:

1. grampie is doing real bad. i dont even want to get into it. but he's not good at all. and my fucking grandmother is being a selfish bitch. i wish there was a way for me to make her see that this is not about her. THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU, GRAMS!

2. my brother's gf went to atl this week and we kept her car at our place so she didn't have to pay for airport parking. well, i wont even go into all of the annoyances surrounding that situation, because there really are too many. i'll just say i ended up spending a lot more time with her than i would have liked (because we dont get a long. i do NOT like this person). also, we ended up with a shitty car situation on our way to pick her up from the airport (i.e. some idiot in front of us just bought a big plastic storage garage thingy and did not make sure it was secured in the bed of his truck..wind picked up the top of it and it flew OVER my jeep, landing right in front of my bro's gf's car (that tony was driving) and punctured a hole in the radiator.) Basically, it was a big fucking mess. and we had to deal with it for six fucking hours.)

3. my friends...or should i say "friends"?? i am at a loss for words to describe the hurt and anger i feel towards people that i thought were really close to me. i have literally made my stomach ache from obsessing over what to do about these people. i cry when i think about how things used to be, and i cry more when i think about how things are now. i feel like i am not cared for by people that i care the most about. and that, that is a horrible feeling.

i wish i could ride my scooter today. it's nice out and i'm wasting it being inside sulking. well, not just sulking...i have been super busy doing shit that needed to be done a long time ago.

thank you sunshine, for coming out and sticking around on my gloomy day.

"remember that time when we was walking home from school and we stopped by st. nick park to sit down for a minute and kiss? remember that little white butterfly that came and sat on the back of the bench for a minute, then flew away when i tried to catch it for you? you told me that was the first butterfly you had ever seen in harlem. it was the first one i had ever seen uptown too. i haven't seen one since."

"right now, it looks like the whole sky is filled with white butterflies. i'm standing at 158th and the george washington bridge, right at the walkway looking down at the water. i ripped all the letters you ever sent me up in little pieces, so small that anybody who finds a piece would barely be able to read the words. little by little, i'm letting the wind carry the pieces away. they're flying and dancing and soaring like that butterfly we saw that day. i'm letting you go, i'm finally letting go."

fucking bullshit

apparently my "best friend" has decided to ditch me for her new drug lifestyle. after two years of being clean she started using again when i was in florida. she's been weird and distant to me. she just pretty much ditched me at the bar to go hang out with her other drug friends. it doesn't help that i cant drink anymore...i guess you have to be drunk when you hang out with your best friend in order to have fun. i'm so pissed off and so hurt right now i dont even know what to do. i cant believe she is acting like this.

it also doesn't help that i am having issues with other "friends" in my life. i just wish people could be fucking real with me. would stop fucking using me. and quit playing games. i am much too old for this.

isn't there anyone genuine out there? maybe someone with their head on straight???

today is a good day

i'm ready for it to be over...

you bring the drinks,
and i'll bring the fuck-yous

i am

super disappointed in the pre...


i am also currently phone-less. because this stupid fucking thing wont turn on. i dont even know why i bought this.

feeling weird about shit

but i did get a new phone today. which isn't working. so i currently have no phone. i really want to play with it (the new palm pre) but i cant. hopefully my plan gets switched over soon so i can explore.

i had my first bride today. really cute pregnant asian girl. could barely speak english. i did better than i thought i could (and i suck at updos). i was proud of myself.

i wish i could shake the mentally exhausting feeling i've had the past couple weeks. i dont think i can do this anymore.

i did have a wonderful day to myself yesterday. spent a good four hours at henry ford estates taking photos, meditating, and just hanging out enjoying nature.


see?

i was really pleased with the photos. i have some cool dreamy type shots of flowers that i adore. i'm feeling tired and lazy so i wont even bother posting them now..soon, soon...

ride on

although i love my family dearly, being with them for over two days straight is a bit much. regardless, we had a good time at cedar point.

adorable.

he's getting so big!

favorite irises that were at the detroit zoo

zoo animals

in case you didn't know, all photos get bigger if you click on them.

note to self:

stop. looking at the internet. when you're fuckin bored.

it does more harm than good.

seriously, STOP!

going to cedar point for the weekend!

i feel really great today!

that is all.

i just had to share it.

:D

more later!

seein red

i had a weird dream with deer last nite. and i've seen several images of deer lately as well...

"when deer show up in your life it is time to be gentle with yourself and others. a new innocence and freshness is about to be awakened or born. there is going to be a gentle, enticing lure of new adventures. ask yourself important questions. are you trying to force things? are others? are you being too critical and uncaring of yourself? when deer show up there is an opportunity to express gentle love that will open new doors to adventure for you."

and the animals are always red. first the elephant, then the frog, and now the deer. i find that interesting...

update

this is how i feel about the past weekend :)


was very busy this weekend, but in a good way. we had a bbq, we went to a bbq, got to hang out with good friends that i wish i could see more and good friends that i haven't seen in a long time.

tried out red pepper deli in northville (delicious raw food) while on a picnic. got nori rolls and the raw tacos. so fucking good!


he's so handsome


went to the detroit zoo and hung out with some animals i dont usually spend time with. i'll post photos after i go through them.

fell in love with irises...and will hopefully soon plant some in the yard! probably photos for some of those too...they had a whole section of irises at the zoo and there were colors i have never seen before and i loved them all.

watched a beautiful, beautiful movie called bella. the actors were all beautiful, along with the storyline and cinematography...i seriously loved everything about this movie. which does not happen very often.

i only work two days this week and i have the weekend off because i'm going to cedar point. it'll be nice to spend the weekend with my family and get to have fun on the roller coasters!

picture post

i was going through my wedding photos to look for something to rasterbate for our living room wall. it is currently blank because we did some re-arranging and wanted something new but i've been too lazy to create something. anyway, i look at my wedding photos and i hardly recognize the person in them. it's been almost two years since then and i can't believe how much i have changed.

i dont ever remember seeing this photo but for some reason i like it:


in the end, this is the image i rasterbated: (i hope it turns out cool)

this is what i look like today: (i absolutely looove my new hair color)


and my new green eyeshadow:


breakfast every morning:

fin.

this made me giggle all the way home

imagine me. little ole me (i know i'm not little but i feel little when i wear a sun dress). riding home from work on my cute little baby blue scoot scoot. in my cute little white helmet. in a cute little pink and white and blue sun dress. minding my own business. stopped at a red light. all of a sudden SURROUNDED by a pack of huge biker dudes. waiting patiently at the red light that lasts forever. them revving their big-bike engines. me feeling tiny in my dress (who wears a dress on a bike??). seriously, completely, 100% surrounded by big motorcycles! and little ole me, right smack dab in the middle.

it made me giggle..you should too!

sometimes i really hate thinking of titles

i dont ever, ever, ever watch tv. we got rid of our cable months ago and it has been heaven. no more relying on filling empty space with junk. no more wasting precious time with useless crap.

jason mraz was supposed to be on american idol tonite. i was real excited. then i saw it. and it sucked.

end of story. hah. and then someone died.

:/

in other news, i had a shitty day. it ended well, with awesome end-of-the-day clients, lots of cash, and a refreshing scoot ride home.

on the way to work i had a small wardrobe malfunction. it was super nice out and i wanted to wear a dress to work. but i also wanted to ride my scooter. so i opted for this cute little number:

sorry for the awesome quality. i didn't feel like taking a thousand photos to get something great. this will have to do. anyway, this is one of my favorite belts. it's black satin and looks like a cumberbund. normally i just tie it in a bow and i'm good for the day! well, apparently if you are riding a scooter the wind will untie your belt while you are driving. i almost lost my belt! luckily i grabbed it just as it was coming off! needless to say, i felt like an idiot. i then had to pull over and re-tie my belt with a knot so i could finish my ride to work.

PS. i fully take back what i said about jason mraz's performance on american idol.

rant

i have a problem.
sometimes the internet is the devil.
or maybe my curiosity/boredom is the devil.


i think i'm finding out who my "real" friends are.
which, sadly, is not that many.
everyone else are just fair-weather friends.
and that makes me sad.


could people STOP playing games with me?!
wtf.

lets think positive here

i got so wrapped up in the shitty stuff this week that i totally just remembered i bought jason mraz tickets! he's finally coming to detroit and i cant fucking wait!!!

also, i heart my family.

couple more zoo photos

day four

of my yeast free diet.

blows.

i'm craving shit i haven't had in years.

my body hurts so bad that i have a hard time sitting/standing up.

i have terrible cold/allergy symptoms like whoa. and i'm exhausted.

i miss bread.

i miss beer.

i miss feeling full.

blehh

i started crying at the grocery store while trying to find something to eat for this diet.
the vitamins alone are going to make me broke.

i wish vitamins were covered by insurance!

i have to stop thinking about food like i live for it. or else i will never get past this frustration.

i haven't meditated since i've been back from florida. i feel out of whack.


my spirit guide is an elephant. this guy walked right over to me while at the zoo from across his area. stayed and hung out for almost ten minutes! i wish i could go back to that...

positive thinking

i got a colonic this morning.
i have candida (allergy to yeast).
my life is changing rapidly..

i feel stressed out and too busy..

deep breath, right?


this little baby was born this year. cutie, no?

florida top ten (in no particular order)

1. being able to relax
2. laying on the beach
3. seeing adam for the first time in almost five years
4. going to the zoo
5. meeting adam's friends
6. drinking beer when i wanted
7. mellow mushroom
8. reading constantly
9. sushi
10. feeling free

worst thing about my florida trip?

burnt feet!

back to reality

florida was awesome. it was exactly what i needed. i had a great time by myself, with adam, and with the locals. i'm exhausted and dont feel like getting into details but i'm so glad i got to go when i did. as glad as i am to be home, in my own bed, i miss florida, and i miss adam! and i for sure miss the weather. really? coming back to cold and rain?! bleh.

now that's a genuine smile right thur

TODAY IS THE DAY!

finished reading the secret! (i was skeptical at first but it was fucking good)

aveda is hosting a contest where you can win a free trip to nyc, for a class with a master colorist, includes the cost of the class, airfare, hotel, plus almost $800. i'm the only one from work trying to win it. i've been busting my ass to get all the services in that i needed! when i got into work today, all i had to get was two moisture treatment add-ons. i said "i'm getting them both today" and guess what?! i got both of them today! so i have to get my form signed tomorrow saying i did everything, and i have to send in my sheet and i am going to win that fucking trip!

right after i told everyone the news, a girl at work handed me an envelope, with my paycheck! i didn't even realize today was payday!

on top of all that, i sealed some more florida plans!

TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT!!

i will feel better

it's been about a week since i have taken my effexor.
unfortunately i have had to take xanax a few times a day to help get rid of the withdrawls.
i felt good alllll day yesterday until later at nite. my head started tunneling and my vision started trailing. on top of that (which have all been normal this whole process) i have started getting the shakes and muscle spasms.
it's very frustrating.

how long does it take to get out of your body completely?! i dont know how much more of this i can put up with!

so much is going on

1. my skin is breaking out again, like whoa. why is this happening right before i turn 30??

2. my grandpa got put in a nursing home. i dont know what exactly i've updated in here but last week he fell again and broke his hip. got surgery. and now he and my grandma can't take care of him so he's in a nursing home. blows.

3. i booked my flight for florida today. i'm super stoked! (on a side note, tony told me to get a new swimsuit for the trip and he helped me pick one up yesterday. it's real cute.)

4. last weekend i went out to royal oak, bar hopping. this is me right before i almost got my ass kicked:

bitch please, i so could have taken her!

5. been ridin my lil scoot scoot like crazy lately! got some sweet ass farmers burn yesterday while doing so.

not the best picture, i know..but all i had on me was my little camera and i dont really know how to use the settings cuz it's fairly new. doesn't matter, she's beautiful!

6. i have cancelled all my personal appointments this week. they can all wait until i get back, dammit. something i am doing when i get back is getting a colonic. fuckin nuts. i wonder what it will be like? i guess it takes like an hour or so. not sure how i feel about gettin mah poo sucked out my ass for an hour. hah!

7. after a really, really, incredibly rough week last week i am trying my hardest to be positive this week. so far, so good. think positive thoughts, people!

i'm coming whether you want me to or not.

florida is on the horizon.

of week of me and just me; fixing my heart, soul, and head.

remembering the times of bliss and love and fun; finding freedom and myself again.

knowing that everything happens for a reason, i will go where i want to go, and do what i want to do.

and i will know that everything will be ok.

just when i thought it was over

i almost decided to give up. on hope, on dreams, on mankind, on everything..

but today is earth day so i'll give it another chance.

i'm getting frustrated with some of my friendships lately. hell, i think i've been frustrated with just about everything in life lately. but friends are supposed to be there for you and i'm just not getting that.

i want a break. vacation. someone come take me away?

i've been really busy

so busy that i need a break! it's nice to be pre-occupied sometimes, but i haven't had a minute to just relax all week. hopefully next week will be a little more mellow.

other than that, i just want to say that tare panda is the cutest!!
love him to bits! i played with him for hours on friday and watched him eat and store food. it's super cute.

also, i found my black flip flops..hah! i found another storage box full of shoes and they were in that one. :)

um.

i have a whole lot of shoes. i mean, lots. it's slightly a problem but even if i don't wear them and i love them i just need to have them to look at!

and when it comes to flip flops, i have like, one of every color. really. sometimes several of certain colors.

i pulled out a few boxes of spring shoes and i CAN NOT find a pair of effin black flip flops!!!!!

how do i not have one of the most important staples in a shoe collection?!?!?!

fuckin crazy.